Have You Ever "Propped" Your Baby's Bottle?
I've spoken here before about that gap between the kind of parents we want to be and the kind of parents we actually are -- and the bar we set for other parents which is higher than most of us could ever hope to reach. Put all of that aside for a moment and honestly answer -- Have you ever propped your baby's bottle? I ask this question because lately when I've been out and about, I've been seeing a lot of propped bottles. And it just brings it home for me that this is another example of what we say we do and what we actually do. I can't get a single one of my friends with kids to admit that they've done this.
Another issue that comes up for me has to do with the back to sleep advice for preventing SIDS. I hear parents say that it just doesn't work and that their baby will not fall asleep or stay asleep unless they are sleeping on their stomach. When I worked with infants in a child care setting, parents would even instruct me to put their babies to sleep on their stomachs. The state required a medical reason verified in writing by a doctor for this, but still, parents would press to try and get me to do this.
Sometimes, it seems like something harmless, and it can even be funny when we see parents doing things we think we wouldn't. But then again, sometimes it's about health and safety, possibly even life and death. But is there no room for error? How many of you find this a struggle sometimes? (I do!)
On a related note, over at my old jobby job, moms are confessing their sins. Meanwhile, dads everywhere already do this daily. How come the guys are so much better at this?
Comments
2 words- BREAST FEED.
Some people can’t breast feed Sarah. However, I’m 1 that will admit guilt for propping on a few occasions with my older two kids when I was very busy in the home and it didnt harm them, but these days when I have seen mothers doing it, it grinds me and makes me think them lazy. Maybe over the years I have matured and seen how dangerous it can be and I now have a 7 mth old baby and never even considered it an option when he was smaller and incapable of feeding himself. And if I saw a friend or relative doing it to theirs I would voice my opinion on it too.
Propped bottles are such an issue for me because my son is from a Russian orphanage where that is ALL that happens. There is little, if any, cuddle/bottle time and babies are fed with bottles that have proppers attached to them if they can not hold them yet.
Its no wonder it took my child forever to allow me to bottle feed him or hold him.
Just tried to email you pickel on your site but email was returned. How heartbreaking the start your son was given in that orphanage. Least he has you now.
I too wanted to make a comment to Sarah. Your two word comment “BREAST FEED” is a bit narrow minded. Sometimes issues that we encounter are not that easy, nor are they as black and white. I was not able to actually nurse my son, instead I pumped his milk for 8 months and fed him breast milk by bottle. Our family had the best of both worlds, my husband and I were both able to feed him!
Sorry the email was returned. I am looking into it now. Darn feedburner. Try my yahoo. pickelfam@yahoo.com
I have never propped my baby’s bottle. I take the time out to sit down and feed him. It seems to me that it is more of a bonding experience more so now than when he was an infant. He is 6 months now, and it’s fun seeing how much he enjoys looking around and looking at me.
That is the best way to attachment parent, IMO. Parents who don’t nurse should at least give their children comfort, reassurance, and eye contact. Everyone should know that eye contact is key to attachment.
Found your blog in a search for something else online but I wanted to add my two cents. Bottle propping and plastic chair/seats are two items that go against my grain. So many times I look around and see such a “hands off” approach to nuturing nowadays - yes, that is a generality but might it not be a statement about the ways things are, too…
I agree with Harveem about the plastic seats!!! I do admit I have occasionally propped bottles esp. w/kids that are old enough to hold them. But these car seats!! A sling or baby back/front pack allows for so much more body contact. These poor babies are hanging in space and the parents look in pain like their arms are going to break.
Also, my babies slept better on their sides than on their back. I would roll a baby blanket and put it against their back. I don’t know what the experts say about that.
i think i have been guilty of disconnecting with my baby while breastfeeding, just as a propped bottle would. ie. if i’m watching tv or typing on the computer.
i agree with stephanie that there seem to be an awful lot of parents who do what they please and not what is recommended. there is, of course, a time and place to follow your intuition, but as far as safety measures: like back to sleep campaign, carseat safety, choking hazards and even recommendations from Health Canada and from World Health Organization about breastfeeding are largely ignored (and i say this re: mothers who choose not to breastfeed, not ones who absolutely cannot–because i have personally met many).
i find these things to be very upsetting, and i try to share my knowledge about safety (ie. carseats) and be very informed and available to share that with anyone who wants to know.
i do feel alone sometimes when i see so many moms around me choosing to do things in such a way different from me–and i’m just following the basic recommendations! i’m not fanatical by any means, but i sure feel like i am for exclusively breastfeeding, cutting grapes in half for my toddler, and not giving popcorn or peanuts!
That’s a good point you bring up, Amanda. I’ve been guilty of this, too. I mean, I’d love to say that every single breastfeeding moment with my son was spent bonding, but that’s not the case. (See here — he had a couple of habits that made some nursings a struggle, not a joy!). And then there were those times when I was nursing while chatting online with other parents or watching TV. Probably just about the same effect as propping a bottle in terms of the disconnection factor, huh?
Pickel, that is so great that you can hold him and feed him now. I have seen orphanages overseas where this happens. Although, I have worked in child care centers here in the United States where bottles were routinely propped. What do you do when the state says one caregiver can take care of six babies and that there can be 12 babies in one room? Chances are great that every single day a caregiver will (at least once) be faced with the decision of allowing hungry babies to cry themselves silly or choosing to gather all the hungry babies in bouncy seats or carriers on the floor around her and prop some bottles.
Parents of multiples are faced with this too. There’s a whole market: Bottle Sling … Milk Maid Propper … Podee Hands Free Bottle … Bottle Tenders etc.
But I doubt it’s just parents of multiples who are purchasing these… no? When do we say it’s OK to prop a bottle or it’s not?
I was looking for some information that would help me explain to my 21 yr old daughter and mother of my 4 month old granddaughter why it is not good to bottle prop. I am an old fashioned mom (my daughters are 21 and 19). Holding and cuddling while feeding bonds you and your baby. I see BOTTLE PROPPING AS SHEER LAZINESS!!!!! There is nothing that urgent that has to be done before your child gets properly and safely fed. Your laundry can wait, your dishes will be there later, and your floors can be vacuumed at another time. The WORST is getting on the internet to play games or update the personal profiles websites. Properly feeding your baby and giving your baby that one on one attention is THE MOST IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE THING a mother can do. Your child will grow up sooooo fast….so why not take the time to look them in the eye, cuddle them a little more, and talk to them and tell them how wonderful they are and how much they are loved.
My son was born 16 wks early. We spent 2 months on feeding tubes, and another 2 months in hospital with just 20 minutes of time with our son at each visit. That did not leave much time for bottle bonding. Now that my son is home with us I find myself propping his bottle under my chin so both hands are free to just hold him close. I feel I have missed so much of his life already. Please don’t prop cuddle your little ones for all of us mothers who had and are having difficulties and can’t. Being a mommy is the most amazing thing I have ever done in my life! I am so blessed. God bless!!