Why You Should Still Hold Your Toddler
Saturday March 22, 2008
When my son was a toddler, I remember having days when I was all touched out and he wanted me to hold him constantly. I don't think there's anything wrong with this feeling (being touched out) and most parents I know feel that way at some time or another when their kids are small. Do you feel a little bad when the feeling strikes? Do you feel a little guilty? Of course. But I think you've just got to realize that you're human and move past any negative emotions.
As humans, most of us enjoy touch, affection, hugs and we enjoy holding our kids as much as they enjoy being held. But there are still those times when you feel like you're at your limit, especially when you're in the middle of a nursing strike or molars coming in or you're sleep deprived... Just remember that those are just the times when your toddler needs to be held most. They still need the closeness and security that your loving arms can give them even though they aren't babies any more.
Comments
This article really helped. I have an 18-month old son and he really loves affection. People have told me to stop being so affectionate to him because he isn’t a baby anymore, and he needs to grow up like a “big boy.” But he’s my son and no matter what I feel that I should still hug and kiss him up, especially if he’s asking for it. It really helped to hear it from a professional. Thanks!
Did common sense go out the window for some people?? Why would you ever want to stop being affectionate with your kids? You sound like a great mom, Nova. I get the don’t-touch-me moments some days, but they pass. Our 14 month old daughter and nearly 4 year old boy/girl twins both love to snuggle. Stopping the hugs and kisses will not instantly make your child mature. And why would you want them to grow up too fast anyway?! I’m very thankful to my husband for working long hours to support five people so that I can be a stay-at-home mom. I vent about all the craziness of the day and then he actually has to push me out the door for an hour of kid-free errands. The more loving you get, the more you want!!
Nova — I’m glad that you got some affirmation from this article. Many parents encounter the same type of advice you’ve gotten discouraging you from holding and kissing your son. This type of nurturing is so important, though, so you keep it up. You’re doing right by him!
Michelle, what you say here, “Stopping the hugs and kisses will not instantly make your child mature,” is right on. Withdrawing affection can make your child want it that much more so it can actually backfire, making them more clingy because they feel deprived of what they need.
Is it possible to hold a toddler too much?
The reason I ask is because one of our twin grandsons (currently living with us with his mom) seems to be addicted to her. I’m not sure ‘addicted’ is the right word. 80% of the time (my wife’s estimation) the moment she walks into the room he will immediately burst into tears. Not just tears but, at times a screaming tyrade (sp?) until she picks him up. This, at a time when he is seemingly having a good time playing with toys or other adults in the room. He will even do this when his mom is in the room or holding him. We are all about nurturing and cuddling but this seems unusual. His twin brother does not show this same tendency. I have suggested to my wife that perhaps she has held him too much.
We would be interested in your opinion!