The Baby Borrowers
I watched the show and I guess I kind of feel like some folks out there are missing the point. After hearing about teens making pacts to get pregnant, I imagine this show would do some good toward helping teens see the real side of being a parent. (Although, really, those houses? Give me a break. No teens I know would be set up on that Beaver Cleaver cul-de-sac. MY house doesn't look like that! Try mismatched furniture from yard sales and IKEA and Aunt Sophie's hand-me-down pots and pans and then we'd be talking reality...)
I was watching the Twitter conversations about it and was pleased to see actual teenagers talking about the show and saying things like "Watching Baby Borrowers tonight made me want children even less. Seriously." The reaction to the pregnancy pact has been interesting as well. I think that some of us have forgotten what it was like to be a teen. To romanticize everything. To see much of the world from that idealist, optimistic point of view. To feel like you are invincible. To have a boyfriend and be in love and (even though you're only 16) imagining that you can see a picture perfect future all mapped out and why not start right now! Having your parents tell you that you can be and do anything you want in life. To look up to your mother who does not appear to hate or loathe motherhood but rather she considers it the most important job she has. To see the rich and famous trotting around the globe in pursuit of parenthood. Maternity wear has gone from the frumpy sailor moon circus tent that I wore in the '90s to the fabulous duds that Maggie Gyllenhaal and Gwen Stefani wear. Baby gear has followed the same trends with stores like Baby Gap and other posh outlets raking in the dough. Strollers have become status symbols. Why wouldn't a teenager want to live that life?
So, I think that this show is a nice reality check for a lot of teenagers who may be getting into something they don't fully understand and haven't weighed all sides of. On the flip side, there are a lot of young parents out there who do a fine job and are excellent parents. So, I think that this is something that might help shine a light on how capable some of these teens are, too. We trust these "kids" to vote, serve in the military, drive, have jobs and be responsible in a multitude of other ways, don't we? To lump all young mothers and fathers in one big pile as a bunch of incompetent idiots is also a really bad idea. ALL new parents, regardless of age, experience the learning curve and have to find their own way. An older mother or father can be just as narcissistic and have the same unrealistic expectations of a baby or toddler as someone in their teens.
So, for those of you who saw the show, what did you think? Would you participate in something like this and lend your baby or toddler out for a few days in the interest of entertainment preventing teen pregnancy? Is it painfully obvious that Alicea was struggling and isn't ready for parenthood? Can you see her telling her toddler, "Look, I don't take any **** off anybody, kid. You better eat this broccoli!"
Comments
Although I see your point that teens may get something from this, as a new mom….and being in my mid thirties before being such…I have an issue with the affects it will have on the children. I personally wanted to cry and told my husband never would we participate in something that would cause our son to cry without us being able to hold and sooth him in some way. Leaving your child with teens for three days without you seeing or spending time with the child seems to be, at best, harmful to your child. My son is 4 1/2 months old and I cannot even contemplate leaving him overnight with his grandmother much less two inexperienced teens. The most disturbing was the kid that said “just put it in the crib. It is going to cry anyway.” says it all. It is a child and as a parent that upset and angered me. Again this is just my opinion, but I must say I felt some outrage at the parents for letting their child be put in such a situation.
I liked the show I was 18 when I had my first daughter and for me everything turned out great. I hate when people say just because your young you can’t make it work. Me and my husband now have four children and a beautiful home. Thoughts on the show is 3 days with a baby isn’t enough. If you really want to know what it’s like it has to be a couple weeks at least. The first week is getting to know the baby and the fun oh lets play with the baby part. The next week reality hits. Also have to say they should have started out the show with each couple having a certain amount of money to find a place to live and buy all the needed items to have a home and baby. When I had my daughter it wasn’t poof here is a nice house with everyghing you need. They need a budget that is realistic and go from there. That is how the real world works.
Yes, that mom was very affected by his statement. Although parents who allow their babies to cry for a period before sleeping would probably have agreed that putting the baby in the crib was exactly the thing to do… you know, if their baby wasn’t used to a lot of rocking and patting and was capable of going down alone then all that activity could have had a more stimulating effect instead of getting him to sleep. But the way he said it was just jolting and seemed very callous.
I love the way that one dad came in and was all calm and quiet and soothing. I think that he was leading by example and it brings to light the fact that there are times when you don’t know what to do when your baby is crying and your frustration and anxiety will just ramp it up. This is good not just for the teens on this show, but for all parents.
Another part of this I forgot to mention that you bring up about the kids being apart from the parents… When I was a young babysitter, I sometimes watched kids all weekend (or longer) when their parents went away on business trips or to see playoff games or whatnot… Granted, I had lots of caregiving experience and was a teacher in a child care center, but there are parents who leave their kids in the care of young sitters for extended periods of time and the kids don’t seem to be scarred for life. Another lesson here is that kids are more resilient than one might imagine. I saw someone on the NBC site talking about military parents and how their kids adjust to the extended absences with little to no ill consequences. I think in the case of this show it’s 3 days that they will have the babies, so much less than a military deployment would be.
What would make it worse for me, absolute torture, would be watching like they are from afar. My son went to a preschool that had cameras that I could watch over the Internet and I could hardly get any work done. I spent so much time watching him and second guessing what was going on. I must have driven his teachers crazy asking about this or that thing I saw going on during the day…
I agree, children are not going to be scarred by this. My children have spent the weekend away from me before with ladies I worked with. My babies are all happy well adjusted children. I had my first son at 19. I was thinking how great everything was going to be. I had no idea how hard raising a child was. And I had babysat since I was 12. I think this show is a great reality check for these teens. Honestly I think every teen should have to work in a daycare for at least 2 weeks. They should make it a requirement. So they know how hard it is to take care of children.
I think there are ways to teach young people about the realities of being a parent without getting innocent babies involved. What about STDs? People are more likely to end up with a disease after sex than an unplanned pregnancy.
In an ideal world, the show would do what it’s meant to do – deter young people from becoming parents too early. However, the reality is that the show will probably only impact those who actually participated. Teens can not fully appreciate the numerous dynamics of being parents. Being a great auntie/uncle is not the same thing as being a parent 24/7. And while there may be some teens who do a great job, they are the exception to the rule. I am a mother of one at 34 and expecting my second. While some like to call me a “veteran”, I beg to differ. Parenting is not easy and one has to be willing to put aside self. Teenagers, for the most part, are completely into themselves, so giving up the mall, parties and friends to make a baby priority over all else is not something that I think most teen parents bargin for. I say keep the legs closed until you’re more capable of financially and mentally able to nurture a life other than yours!
I couldn’t wait to watch this show seeing as how I became a mother at 21. I thought this will be great these kids can see how it really is. As soon as the girl refused to put the belly on I knew this show wasn’t going to be what I expected. My feelings are if she wasn’t willing to do all the work then send her home why let her stay in a nice house with her boyfriend. Pointless. And to the girl who didn’t want to feed the baby because it was to hard. I will admit once in a while I get annoyed as every parent does but the whole purpose of this show is to show these kids it is not about them anymore it is about the babies. I believe the mother had every right to go over there. As far as the guy who said just put the baby in the crib. Well I understand both sides of it. The baby didnt know it was time for bed because the baby didnt go through the normal schedule she does at bed time like having a bath. But after seeing my niece still in bed with my sister at 21 months and not going to sleep unless my sister is next to her I knew I wouldn’t be doing that with my son. He goes through the same thing every night. Bath, PJs, Bottle, night time prayer, then into the crib. The first few nights he cried for about 10 minutes and then went to sleep. Now he just goes right off to sleep. Maybe this boy has seen someone in his family do it like that and thought that was the way without realizing she needed the bath first.
I don’t think the babies will be affected by being away from their parents. When my son was 3 months old I went on a silent retreat with my mother to get a break and bring myself back down to earth. Everyone needs a break sometimes and I left my son with my aunt. It was the best thing I could do. Over those three days they bonded so much and she is like a second mother to my son. His face lights up when she comes over and she can’t go more then a day without seeing him. It is good for the babies to experience other people not just the parents. Other people have different ways of doing things and play with children differently. All and all I mostly like the show. I am sure we have seen the worst of the baby part. Once the teens stop being so nervous and let things go natural everything will be alright. But three days is nto enough time to fully experience what it is like to have a baby that is for sure!!!!!!
I think it is a great idea. My sister (17 years old) has been talking about it with her friends ever since aired. They were amazed at how the babies effected the relationship between the teens. That, alone, has her saying “wow, now I understand why there are so many single teen mothers out there”. You think this show will not have an impact? Guess again! Oh, for the record, I was initally against this show, but now I see how it is affecting my sister and her friends, I support it 100%. I applaud the real parents for allowing their children to participate.
I think the show is a good idea. I think it may help teens realize that getting pregnant that young may not be as easy as they think it is.
As for the safety of the children, there are nannies that are watching the teens & babies at all times who are able to intervene if the baby is ever in danger. Also – the parents are monitoring their babies and can also intervene if they see fit. I think enough precautions have been taken to make sure the babies aren’t hurt. And I don’t think staying with someone else for 3 days will permanently scar these babies.
Ok, so that’s great that teenagers can watch this show and determine that being a single teen parent isn’t the best decision in the world. BUT, what in the world would posess a parent of a baby to let it go for 3 days without the parent. I am a mom in my early 30’s and there is no way I would let my child on that show. To me that borderlines on neglect. Since when do people put the welfare of some other kid over their own. It’s not like the decision to have a baby is life or death and you are saving their lives. This just goes to show the decline of parenting in this country. Where are the parents of the teenagers? Why don’t the schools bring in teen mom’s and have them be a part of the sex ed in schools and talk to the teenagers about how hard it is to be a mom as a teenager….there is something that might make a little sense. I think this show is disgusting and feel horrible for those babies who can’t stand up for themselves and tell their parents what they think about it.
I am a first time mother. My son is fearless, high needs, and very curious. I have been a SAHM with him 24/7 for this first year of his life. I have dealt with colic, refusing all bottles (hence the SAHM), still not sleeping through the night, clinginess, and general fears and frustrations. I love my son and I am very protective of him.
That being said, my stepson’s 17 year old girlfriend wants to “start their life together” right now, before high school is finished. I think it is a bad idea and would sign them up for this show if I could!
There are tons of protective things set up for the children (nannies, parents next door with video monitoring, etc). I would let my son be “borrowed”. I know he would give them a run for the money!
Also, the teens seem to have it easy (as far as new baby intro goes) since the youngest baby is 4 1/2 months old… that is past the total dependency stage, past the eating every 2 hours stage, that is into the learning to move and actually interacting with you stage. Not nearly as fragile or as frantic as that 2 week old newborn…
We now have almost a century of research showing that babies and toddlers are impacted for life by early separations during which they are left with strangers.
During WW2, John Bowlby documented the stages of grieving in babies and toddlers who were temporarily left with unfamiliar care-givers, from initial protest to confusion to despair. These kids were more vulnerable, later in life, to anxiety, panic and mood disorders as well as alcoholism. Neuroscientific research in the past five years has documented the permanent brain changes that result from early separations and put babies at risk of mental and emotional disorders for the rest of their lives.
Producers of this show may justify it by claiming they’re teaching birth control, but let’s be clear: NBC is after ratings. Having teens work in a daycare center for two weeks would have accomplished the same agenda.
And the parents of these babies and toddlers? They should be prosecuted.
Wow – I was surprised by the strength of Dr. Laura Markham’s comment, but agree completely. I CAN’T IMAGINE leaving my son with strangers – anyone for that matter for a single overnight and he’s almost three years old. Leaving him as in INFANT was simply INCONCEIVABLE. I feel sad for the children because they have no free choice in the matter. I too hoped that the premise of showing teens the reality of parenthood was a good “idea” but the way it’s being carried out “borrowing children” is apalling. It’s a parent’s JOB to care for their children’s well being at all times – I think these parents have dropped the ball and kicked it across the room!
Man, judging from the “I’d never leave my child for 3 days with someone who isn’t a Trained Child Care Specialist” (most of whom barely get minimum wage, mind you, but the wages paid nannies and daycare workers is another story) we are raising a generation of over-coddled, over-valued children who are going to be neurotic as hell by the time they’re 12–convinved they’re made out of tissue paper and spun sugar. The show is actually quite instructive and if leaving your child with someone besides their parents for a weekend scars them for life, then everyone on the face of the earth since time began is walking wounded.
Get a grip.
Okay. I am really shocked at some of these responses. First of all, I am a female who has a college education with no kids, but many many neices and nephews. Yes, I know you all may reply with “WELL YOU DON’T HAVE KIDS, YOU DON’T KNOW” But I am a kid myself and I know one thing, this show is a reality check. I have a boyfriend of 3 years, and although we have no plans to have kids anytime soon, this give young teenagers and even twenty somethings a look into what being a parent is all about. To be a parent you must be completly unselfish, and I don’t think anyone my age or the kids on the show ages can say they are. Honestly it really makes you think about where your life is going and the road you want to take. And for all parents ranting and raving about OH I WOULD NEVER LEAVE MY CHILD ALONE FOR 3 DAYS OR 2 DAYS, well you probably need to! All your children are probably sleeping in your bed or wrapped around your leg 24 hours a day. Children need to be independent and you marriages need to have ALONE time. It’s okay for you to get away and have time WITHOUT the baby and time WITH your husband or wife, its actually a GOOD thing. It is probably MORE damaging to constantly be holding and cradling and cooing over your baby then haveing someone else watch them for 2 days. I mean do you honestly think a NBC would let ANYTHING damaging happen to these kids? Do they want that liability? Everyone should get off their high horse and see that TYPICAL sex ed and THE VIDEO OF BIRTH you watch in school just ain’t working! We have 12 and 13 year olds pregnant. And all people reading this with kids are saying to thereselves “NOT MY KID, THATS JUST PARENTING” well, we will see. You can’t be with your children 24/7 when they are pre teens or teenagers, so why not teach them at a younger age that it is okay to not be watched my MOMMY AND DADDY and how to handle those situations.
i like the show cuz its funny n awaking…a rude awaking..lol
but i really disliked the way “sasha” argued or blew up at the toddlers mom…the mom has the baby all the time so she knows how her baby is 2 b treated or how she likes her baby 2 b treated…i didnt know sasha had a attitude like that.
u dont talk 2 ur elders like that n u dont blow u like that..u talk 2 ppl respectful n calm so u can get ur point across…plus she only had the toddler 4 a couple days..goodness!!!
p.s ppl already percive african american as girls with bad attitude n her doing that didnt help especially with her beig the only african american female on there.
im 17 ..i’ll be 18 in dec..i dont have any kids but i have 8 neices n nephews.
when i saw the pre-teen episode, all i could think was that if i had been allowed to act the way those kids were acting, i would have been dealt with quickly, and harshly, and would never have acted that way again! those parents should be ashamed of themselves for allowing those kids to become complete, and total brats!
I like the idea of the show but am a little disturbed that these teens are being allowed to live together and sleep in the same bedroom. I seem to be the only one that has an issue with this….just old fashioned I guess!
Why would they be “borrowing babies” if they weren’t already sleeping together? I don’t condone it but for them it is a reality that their parents are already aware of. Now we need to show how innocent children can result from their immature behavior and then maybe we can stop the sleeping together.
To people who have a problem with baby’s getting separation anxiety…apparently you are too lazy to work so you can be with your kids 24/7. Because that’s just what this show is to the baby’s, like their parents going to work or on a vacation. You people who are critics of this show are so pathetic