Sometimes Breast Isn't Best
Saturday September 20, 2008
Did I just say that? Yes, I did. Because even though it seems everyone knows that breast milk is the best way to feed your baby, there are cases when it's not safe. Sometimes, these conditions may just mean an interruption in nursing, while other conditions may require stopping completely. In these cases, alternative feeding methods like formula or breast milk from a milk bank are required.
Comments
Thank you for saying that. I was looking forward to breastfeeding but when we had to change my anti-seziure meds. it became just to dangerous to do so. Yet I still get comments from individuals who don’t know my sitution or seem to think that I could have found a saffer meds. Like i and my doctor hadn’t thought of that.
Breastmilk is best, yes, but the current pro-breastfeeding culture bullies and berates women who don’t breastfeed. “Everyone can do it” and “it’s natural” is the rallying cry. This is not necessarily so. I tried breastfeeding with each of my three children, and my production was always low, despite all of my efforts. The longest I was able to do it was four months.
For my youngest, I was determined to do it because I knew it would be my last chance. I went to classes and was told that my technique was perfect. In short, I was doing everything right and going by the book. I refused to supplment even though my baby, who’d been premature, was not gaining weight.
Finally the pediatrician, who was a breastfeeding educator/avid supporter, told me that I HAD to give him formula because he was merely surviving on my milk, not thriving. He hadn’t gained any weight at all since birth! In fact, he lost 12 oz.
Despite my best efforts, I was not able to breastfeed successfully as is “supposed” to be natural. (Why then have all cultures historically had women who worked as wet nurses?) My children are healthy and smart and perfect, even though they were raised on formula. Yes, I will admit that the two that I was able to breastfeed the longest, even though it wasn’t so long, have stronger immune systems and get sick less often. I am not debating the benefits of breastfeeding. But my point is that we need to be a little more open minded with regard to this issue and certainly less judgemental.
I’m glad people are saying this. I worry that the Breastfeeding Mafia doesn’t leave enough room for individual judgment here. I’m a smart woman with a graduate degree and yet, with my first child, I had no idea that I was starving him, that I wasn’t producing enough despite every assurance that, if my technique was right, my body would definitely do what was needed. Little guy got skinnier and skinnier until I finally said, hey let’s stop by the pediatricians for an opinion.
Like I said, I’m a smart woman with a lot of self-esteem and older and ‘wiser’ than the average mom - I can easily see how someone with less confidence could be bullied into thinking they’re doing something wrong if their child isn’t thriving on breast milk and needs supplementing.
I would really love to have breastfed my baby but she suffered tummy aches from my milk. so we stopped and switched her to a lactose free formula…
As the mom of 2 premature babies, the stress alone was enough to slow down if not cease my milk production. Not to mention, that my ability to pump was not there, my body did not produce enough milk when pumping. My babies, are now 7 and 4 and are healthy, happy and smart!!! I tried with both, I felt guilty because I knew it was the best thing for them, when I did get my son to successfully nurse, and after 3 hours of pumping to obtain 2 ounces just to have him projectile vomit and have explosive diarrea all over, I realized that formula was the best thing for him!!! Everyones situations are different, as well as everyones abilities. To all of you formula feeders out there, “YOU GO GIRLS!!” I don’t think we get enough credit for doing what we know is best for our babies when the breast is not!!
Thank goodness someone has finally stated this. Not all of us who don’t breastfeed have formula-fed by choice. I was never able to breastfeed even though I practically ruined the first two months of my maternity leave trying to get my milk to come in. Other women, my pediatrician, and magazines/media made me feel like I was a horrible mother for not breastfeeding.
I did everything I was told; attempted feedings every two hours, followed by pumping for another 45 minutes to “stimulate” my breast. I was in so much pain and my milk never came in. Finally, my pain symptoms occurred while I was in my doctor’s office and I was able to show her how my nipples turned white before flushing blue/purple, which was accompanied by some of the worst pain I have ever felt. She said this is rare and is called vasoconstriction; my blood vessels constrict (making my nipples white), which doesn’t allow any blood flow for a period. Then they suddenly dilate (causing the blue/purple color), which leads to the intense pain.
Simply put: you NEVER know why someone isn’t breastfeeding and, frankly, it’s nobody else’s business. Never assume that a mom just opted for formula because of some superficial reason. I spent months feeling guilty and depressed about something that I had no control over. I even gained a ton of weight b/c my pediatrician suggested that I wasn’t eating enough and outlined a 3,000 calorie/day diet for me to adhere to.
I agree that breastfeeding is best. I also believe that it is a choice. Half of the moms I know have breast fed and half have not and the formula fed kids are just as healthy and smart as the breast fed kids.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU! To all the moms who posted here. My situation was exactly like “D.”. I tried SO hard to breastfeed my 2 daughters (our 3rd is adopted)but no matter what I did my production was so low. I even took the natural herb Fenagreek to help my production but nothing worked. I cried and cried because I gave into the Breastfeeding Mafia and the pressure they put on new mothers-as it is not stressful enough. I had one lady call me out in the mall and tell me that she could not believe I was feeding my daughter formula! How rude of her. Not to mention she had no idea what my situation was..I could have had a double masectomy for all she knew. Breastfeeding is best but it is simply not a reality for all mothers. I honestly feel that of all the mothers who formula feed that 99.9% of them would much rather breastfeed. Who wouldnt prefer breastfeeding? Not only for the health benefits, but for other things like saving money?? I cannot imagine a mother who would not prefer to breastfeed, so the fact that the Breastfeeding Mafia is so quick to judge makes them even more terrible and thoughtless people to me….because if a mother is formula feeding 9 out of 10 times it is not by choice but by necessity. My daughters were all formula fed. THey are all very healthy with strong immune systems and smary and beautiful. So lets all of us mothers who formula feed stand up to the Breastfeeding Mafia and tell them to mind their business!!
a breastfed baby is the best fed baby. period. i sympthasize with all mothers who for health reasons was not able to do so and supplement, however it is proven that the fact that medicine is nowadays given to almost everyone is a factor in low milk production (for example the epidural and other pain meds administered at birth). we need to return childbirth to the natural thing that it is and maybe our bodies will return to normal. Childbirth is not an illness, except for high risk pregnancies, iv’s are’nt necessary and yes i know its painful, but pain killers arent needed either. secondly, we need to be patient and spend time with our babies to have our milk production fit for his/her needs, after all, other mammals NEVER have problems feeding their young ones. I am a proud mother who advocates a completely natural birth, natural is the way to go….give your babies as much breast milk as you can, god made it for them
Oh really Mel, you are part of the problem in my opinion. It is people like you that TRY and make mothers like us feel inferior. Who are you to tell us that we are not patient with our children? Or that we do not spend enough time with our children? Are you going to now start harping on working mothers? And as far as your statement about other mammals NEVER having problems feeding their young, that is simply not true either. If you really feel like comparing us to animals, many mammals abandon their young…quite a poor comparison dont you think? There is nothing wrong with an epidural and as a matter of fact all of my friends that were able to breastfeed had epidurals. As it was stated a million times, everyone with half a brain knows that breast milk is best, but no it is not NECESSARY in order to have a perfectly healthy intelligent child, just as healthy as a breast fed child. Yes God made breast milk for our children. God also made human beings with the mental capacity and intelligence to create formula too. You state that you are a proud mother who advocates natural birth and it is the way to go. Well I am a very proud mother who had 2 c-sections and guess what? I am perfectly fine with having had c-sections and do not feel “robbed” of any experience at all. It mattered not to my husband and I how our children were brought into this world, but that they were born healthy. My sister in law has a baby with brain damage because she insisted on natural birth though the doctors urged her to have a c-section. She listened to people like you and gave into the pressure that natural birth is the only way to go as you say. Now she is paying the heartbreaking price. Both my daughters’ Apgar scores were 9. My other niece was a natural birth and CPR had to be performed on her. My point is that anything can happen at any birth, wether it is natural or c-section. Children can be equally healthy despite how they were birthed and despite being fed formula or breast milk. Yes breastmilk is best but you are not a better mother than any of us who had to formula feed. You are not a better mother than any of us who had meds at birth or had c-sections. What worked for you is great FOR YOU. But your way is not the standard for everyone else. You need to stop thinking you are better than everyone else and get off your high horse!
I completely agree that every mothers experience is different. No one has the right to say a mother is wrong for how she birthed her baby or if she used breast or bottle. I breast fed my kids because it worked out for me, but I have plenty of friends who it didn’t work out for. I would never think of myself as better for that. My mom used only formula for me and my brothers and guess what, we are all 3 (gasp!) healthy!
It is funny how someone who did not experience hardship in either labor or nursing could be so judgmental. Hopefully, that attitude doesn’t rub off on their kids. Oh, and when I was young we had a dog that wouldn’t allow her puppies to nurse from her and even killed one, so we had to bottle feed. So maybe we are a step above the animal kingdom after all.
i am in no way pompous or judgemental, i believe u are the one being judgemental because i am a natural birth advocate. I am not coming down on anyone who CANNOT breastfeed their child i am instead urging us as mothers to make a positive effort. who i am coming down on is those who have turn birth into a medical complication when at times it does not have to go that way. thats all. maybe i am fortunate to have had 2 problem free pregnancies, my mother too had 6 uncomplicated births, she was a working mom, i drank formula, i have my masters, i never said your kids are not smart, all i am advocating is less medicine at birth, unless it is absolutely necessary, i know we dont live in a perfect world and yes everyone,s experience is different. i apologize if i came off sounding superior, i am mother just like everyone else and that was not my intention, k, solimar. i think we should IM
Many mothers are the same kids born in the 60s and 70s who were never breastfeed and were born in hospitals with C sections. We’re all fine. And to Mel, sorry - birthing is a medical procedure. Women should have the right to choose how to feed their babies and not get crap about it.
birthing is NOT a medical procedure!!! Oh my goodness… it’s going to happen with or without a doctor in MOST cases. It’s only a medical procedure when circumstances make it a medical procedure or when the people involved make it a medical procedure. Birthing is a VERY natural process.
To those of you who either choose or were forced by nature to formula feed…. please don’t listen to anyone that makes you feel badly about it. I’ve had lots of friends that fromula fed and lots that haven’t. We have the ability to make wonderful formulas these days and you should not feel badly at all…
From a mom who was lucky enough to have a natural birth and time, inclination and ability to breast feed as much as she wanted.
Mel - I spent months in active birth classes and prenatal yoga and didn’t even have bottles in my house I was so sure I would have a natural birth and bottle feed. I had horrific back labor (they couldn’t even register my contractions in my belly)- by the time I was 7 cm I almost lost consciousness from the pain- I had an out of body experience while the midwives tried to keep me conscious. I finally got the epidural which took three tries resulting in a spinal headache. Because the headache was misdiagnosed I was in horrible pain for ten days and breast fed through it all- only to take my baby home and she refused the breast. I was devestated- all my plans had failed. I was incredibly hard on myself for all the ‘mistakes’ I made to cause these issues not realizing what I had was a healthy baby. She is thriving after being raised with formula and a mother who finally let go of the pressure we women place on ourselves and each other. Let’s all trust each other as women and realize what we all (well, most of us) want is to raise healthy children and sometimes that starts with being healthy enough ourselves to do what we have to to be present, healthy, happy mommies.