Mom Amanda is starting to plan for her children's birthday parties. Her older child, a 5-year-old girl, celebrates her birthday in April, while her twin boys will be celebrating a month later in May. Amanda's pretty much got the older one squared away as she's already requested a Barbie party, but Mom's looking for suggestions on how to make the boys' first birthday special.
Sounds simple enough, right? To throw a wrench into the situation, she's concerned about a recent family conversation:
"I was talking to a relative about a week ago who mentioned that the kids birthdays would be sneaking right up. So I told her when the parties were going to be. She thought we should have all three at once. But they are a month a part! And it's the boys' first birthday which I want to make special (even though it'll be more special for me than them probably). I should add, this is a relative with small children of her own that lives about an hour away, but only comes around for these type events. Do you think I am expecting too much to do two parties, even though they are a month apart?"
What do you think? Should she combine birthday celebrations or plan separate parties for her children? Share your thoughts on the forum or below in the comments.
I have a sister two years and 15 days younger, and a brother 6 years (minus 1 day) younger. We frequently combined the girls’ birthday parties, because we had similar friends and similar interests. However, I don’t think I ever shared a party with my little brother. Between the age difference and the gender gap, there wasn’t nearly as much commonality.
First birthdays are special, but the child/ren are unlikely to remember it. So they end up being more for the parents to have fun than for the children.
For my son’s first birthday, we had a four-person birthday bash. Dad’s birthday was the same day, and Uncle and Great-Aunt shared the day before. The three adults had no trouble sharing, and the lad didn’t really know what was going on.
I would worry more about what the little girl thinks if suddenly she had to share her Barbie party with her twin brothers. I think two events is perfectly fine. As they get older, the boys will have enough to deal with sharing birthdays as twins without pulling the sister in too.
I fully understand how you feel about questioning whether you combine parties or not. I am very much a believer in that a childs party is their very special day of the year. I have 2 girls and although there is 2 years between them their birthdays are actually 2 weeks apart. Every year a question whether it will be more cost effective (especially this year considering the economic climate)to combine or make them each feel it it ‘their’ day. As I like to do all my own baking and be very involved in the party fun I always seem to completely exhaust myself after the 2 parties. Having gone all out will all my daughters parties since they were one I now look back and see how silly I was! I asked my 4 year old last week what party she would like this year, the answer was a fairy party. When reminded she had had one already for her 2nd party she could not remember it at all! So based on my personal experience I would go for a combined party this year make it Barbie and Pirates or Knights! Make 2 cakes so your daughter still feels like it is her special day. Then next year, when the boys are older do individual parties. Most importantly try and have fun and not too much stress in planning what ever you decide. Have a look at our website for some stress free and unusual party ideas. It was through our love for making our childrens parties something to remember that my friend and I founded The Birthday Party Company.
I have a twin sister and a brother that was 1 yr and 17 days younger. My mom always would share our birthday parties( we also had very different wishes for our birthdays). I always hated having to have a party with my brother. I would say it is OK when they are very young but when they get older kids should have their own birthday parties.
If it were me I would still have the two separate parties as planned. Your relative may want you to combine them for her own convenience.
But given the age difference and the fact that the twins are turning one–an extra special birthday, I think you really should do it up the way you really want. You will only get to throw them a one year old party once, and yes it may mean more to you than them so you should have it the way you want it so you have memories to share with them later.
Otherwise you will always wish you had done it differently. The relative will get over it.
I say go for both parties (assuming that’s what you want to do). This way you’ll never regret not doing something special for your boys’ 1st birthdays.
However, I would also try keep family members from feeling pressured to attend both. Maybe let your relatives know when the parties are going to be, and you’d love to have them. But also tell them that you know they’re busy and you’ll understand if they can’t make it.
I would have two parties. Every kid as well as adult needs to be remembered on their special day. Both ages mark a special point in the lives of your kids. My son’s 5th birthday was special because he was also starting kindergarten. We had alot of kids at the party and I am glad he didn’t have to share it with anyone else.
Most things that we do with young children is really for our benefit. We know our children will like the zoo, park, Disney World, etc., but they don’t remember these events until they are older. It is the enjoyment we get watching them the first time they are on a swing wanting to go higher, or the look on their face when they see an animal other than a dog or cat, that make s the early years memorable. It gives them momentary joy but he parnets it lasts forever.
I have 2 boys born one year apart to the day…I’m tryin to figure out. should I do 2 cakes so each will have their own themes? Money is tight and I’m trtin to get ideas about maybe putting both their favorites on 1 cake..Good luck with your parties..
i say have two seperate parties. but im in a similar situation but mine are july 22 and july 29! now wat should i do. i have a son and daughter. money is kind of tight but i would be more than willing to do two seperate parties i feel 1st b-days are special too. what should i do???
My older kids are 1 year and 9 days apart and my younger are soon to be 11 1/2 months apart. With my older two I did joint birthdays until they were in school. They loved it. I hade a big bash instead of two smaller parties, made a cake for each of them and had both boy and girl decorations. My younger two will also be a boy and a girl and I will do the same for them. It saves everyone from having to come twice so close together and I usually have it on a Saturday with a start time but no end time so it can be all day fun.
@Lisa,
If they’re old enough (~3-4 or up), ask them whether they want one big(ish) party or two small ones.
Have the two parties. The long distance relative is only thinking of herself. Let her know its okay to choose one party (bet its the 5 year old’s) to attend if its too difficult to do both – heaven forbid she see your family for a day two months in a row! Your 5 year old should not have to share her special day, ESPECIALLY when its a whole month before her brothers’.
You didn’t even think about having 1 party until this one relative said something. I say it’s your family and you do what you want for their birthdays. In our household, birthdays are a big deal. We only have 1 child but we have 3 b-day parties a year (mom, dad & daughter).
I would make it clear that you totally understand if your relative can’t make the trip twice. Maybe she could just come to the first party and send her wishes then to the younger boys.
Also, even though your twins won’t remember their first birthday, you will. Do it the way you want to. It’s a big day. Plus, they’ll be sharing their birthday with each other so if you can afford to do two parties, my inclination would be to do it so they at least have their day.
Whatever you decide, just have fun and try not to stress about what others think. I always get stressed out about putting on the perfect party and all the little details. That’s just how I am, but I know that parties are more fun when everyone is enjoying themselves. Happy birthday to all your “babies”!!!!
My parents always had a combined party for my dad, my sister, and I (our birthdays are all in August) and to be honest as a kid I thought it sucked. I always wished for a special theme all for me. I say go for separate parties…your kids only get a special day just for them one day a year.
This is a very interesting discussion. I probably would have said it’s ok to have a combined party, but since it’s the boys 1st birthday, I don’t think it’s appropriate in this situation. 1st birthdays are special and should be a separate event.
I’m in the same dilemma.. my girls are 2 yrs apart on april 16th and april 20th. My little one turns 1 and my older one turns 3. i had an all out 1st birthday party for my older daughter and it was nice. her own special day.. but I feel like my little one should have her own birhtday.. she’s already sharing clothing, toys and doesnt have much that’s hers..except for the fact that my family members are all giving me grief to just have them combined. becuae of the 4 day difference… i’m tossing and turning on whether or not to do it.. how do you make the 1 yr old special when its got a number 3 right next to it.. am i beign silly?
Hi, I have a brother who has a daughter born a week before my daughter and a cousin who has son who is 3 days older than my daughter. My cousin wants to combine all three birthdays together. All are turning 1 years old. I really want to do my daughter’s birthday by herself because I am not sure the birthday will go as I would plan and I don’t want to end up paying for everything. I do not like to negotiate on something I would like planned. I want the best of the best for my daughter especially if she’s my 1st child. What do you think?