France Is the New China in Parenting Circles (Sigh)

I opened today's paper and groaned: "Why French Parents Are Superior." Great, another self-proclaimed expert who is going to tell me that I'm doing it all wrong.

These comparison parenting pieces always make me angry, defensive, and sad. Angry because they claim that the "better" culture is homogenous and over there all moms and dads do it right. Defensive because I take offense at someone labeling all American moms as homogeneous and "wrong" as well. And sad because the kids in these articles always appear more like lab subjects than sensitive, intelligent, loved children.

Yet, I do believe that there are things you can learn from other parents and other cultures. Much of Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother by Amy Chua (compare prices) didn't resonate with me, but there was at least one point I took away from that book: teaching children to not settle for anything but their best is good.

Similarly, I can see there is some excellent parenting advice in Pamela Druckerman's book Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting (compare prices).

• She quotes a French mom who says, "The most important thing is that [my son] learns to be happy by himself." I absolutely agree that from a young age kids should learn to play independently and entertain themselves. The most important thing? That's debatable.
• "Don't be afraid to say no." Absolutely!

I also agree in setting barriers and being firm when reminding young children about the restrictions. And I believe in having set times for meals and snacks.

But these don't seem to be especially French ideals to me. They were the rules my Irish Grandmother would call common sense.

I guess I would approach the advice in this book much like I approach France. It's a great place to visit, but there are standards and values in that culture that I would never adopt. Also, considering that the French have the highest level of depression in the world according to the World Health Organization (with the U.S. an all too close second), I wonder if childhood is as perfect for the kids as this article seems to insinuate it is for parents.

I do want to see what else Druckerman observed about parenting styles in the Country of Love. As soon as I get a chance to read the full book, I'll post a review. I hope you will share your thoughts as well.