Parenting...Oh, That's too Hard for Real Moms

Earlier this week, parenting experts and psychologist Jim Taylor published a piece in Psychology Today arguing that parents should outsource childrearing to professionals. His basic thesis is that moms and dads are too invested in their children. That leads us to become depressed when kids don't achieve what we want them to and, in general, causes us to act badly.

I'm assuming that this is all tongue in cheek, especially since Jim Taylor, Ph.D., should be quite familiar with the fact that children without involved parents face truly significant problems such as substance abuse and, in severe cases, reactive attachment disorder.

But even if this is just a "Ha ha...I'm not totally serious here" piece, I'd like to recommend that Dr. Taylor stick to his day job and drop attempts at comedy. It's not really so funny to hear one more expert making parents worry that they are doing something "wrong."

He brings up the fact that almost all parents yell , and, Dr. Taylor explains, "the research shows, that yelling is not good for our children." Well, yes, severe "psychological aggression" (psychologist speak for yelling and other non-physical behavior management techniques such as threatening to spank) has been shown to be harmful to children. This is according to a 2003 paper published in the Journal of Marriage and Family (where, I think, Dr. Taylor gets his stats on the topic). But other experts such as psychologist George Holden, Professor of Psychology at Southern Methodist University in Dallas, see a golden lining to moms yelling at their kids. In an interview with TODAY Moms, he said that kids who are yelled at by their parents can learn an important lesson about dealing with negative emotions.

I'm not so sure about that expert fact either (especially when it comes to yelling at a toddler). I personally know I yell too much and I am working on cutting down on my outbursts.

In the meantime, I try not to be too hard on myself when I have a yelling moment. I also think that the way you treat a yelling episode is important. One way I try to lighten the impact of my yelling is by recruiting my older kids to help me not get so crazy in the morning (because mornings are especially hard for this yelling mom). They know they need to move to get out the door on time, but they also have been told to tell mom when she's rushing them too much and when I am basically getting "too yelly." I've been honest with the two of them (ages 4 and 5) that I don't like to yell and it's something I try not to do. I think if they see that we all struggle with problems and help each other with our short fallings, then they will learn another important lesson - we all need each other and we all love each other even if we're not perfect.

Actually, the best response to Dr. Taylor's argument I've seen was posted by Julie Ryan Evans on The Stir. She asked readers to tell her what they would outsource as a parent. My pick - worrying! I'd pay someone to do all the fretting for me any day.