When Szalay gave birth to her fourth child, she took the same child-led approach to breastfeeding as she had with the other three. This time things are different. Her youngest son, now three-and-a-half, is still nursing about three times a day and once at night. Both mama and son are happy with the arrangement.
"Because the twins quitting so young was a disappointment, when my third went to five months I said, 'Wow. This is all bonus,"' Szalay says. "I viewed every extra day as a benefit for me and my child. Now, with this son I continue to say every day is a bonus. I'm very happy with the decision I've made to keep nursing him as long as he wants. Maybe it's partly because he's my last child and it's a way of me hanging on to this part of my life, but when he wants to quit, I'll support his decision."
Before I became a mother, I had no idea that weaning could be a controversial topic, touchy enough that many breastfeeding guides offer only the slimmest advice on how to make it safely through this big transition. (A few books do offer good weaning advice, though, and board-certified lactation consultants can also a great source of information.)
In the not-so-distant past, many doctors and mainstream parenting gurus argued that after the first year or so, breastmilk provided little nutritional benefit for children. In recent years, however, most medical experts have changed their tune, and new research has discovered that breast milk continues to boost the immune systems of kids well into the second year of life, maybe even further.
That's great news, but plenty of mamas who've nursed their babies past the traditional definition of "babyhood" have gotten their share of grief from friends and family who encourage them to stop nursing the minute the sight of a growing (or talking or walking) child at its mother's breast starts to make them feel uneasy.
Szalay tells her clients to ignore the critics and keep on nursing for as long as they -- and their babies -- want. "Breastmilk is the best food for babies," she says. "No matter if you nurse for just a week or for years, breastfeeding provides emotional benefit as well as protection and immunity for your child. No matter what the age of your child, your breastmilk is made specifically for him. Every day your child gets milk from your breast is an amazing bonus for both of you."
Andy Steiner, former senior editor at Utne, is a prize-winning writer whose work has appeared in Ms., Glamour, Mademoiselle, Self, and Modern Maturity. She lives in St. Paul, Minn.
This excerpt from Spilled Milk: Breastfeeding Adventures and Advice from Less-than-Perfect Moms is printed with permission of Rodale, Inc., Emmaus, PA 18098.
