Changes You Can Make
Given the extreme importance of your words, it simply makes good sense to choose them carefully. From now on, if your child is within hearing distance assume that he may be listening -- and don't say anything about him that you wouldn't say to him.
If you see a bit of yourself in the previous examples, you're no different than most parents. But that doesn't mean that this behavior needn't cease. Such a simple change could have a very positive impact on your children's lives. As you talk about your children -- and let's face it, they're among our favorite topics -- pay attention to how those words sound from your child's point of view. If you think that what you're saying, or about to say, can be construed as hurtful or embarrassing, stop. Talk about something else.
If you're not sure what you're saying has a negative impact or not, ask yourself how you would feel if you overheard someone talking about you in those exact words. Or perhaps you can ask yourself, "If I were talking about my boss/spouse/best friend to another person, with the object of my comments listening, would I ever say such a thing?" If your answer is a mortified laugh, then stop mid-sentence and rephrase your comments in a more positive way, if you find them absolutely crucial to the conversation.
Better yet, find something shining and wonderful to say about your child, and be sure your child hears it. That type of "casual comment" can yield life-enhancing benefits to your children. It may help them compose a more wonderful vision of themselves. An image that they can carry with them for the rest of their lives.
Learn more about Elizabeth Pantley, mother, author, speaker and parenting expert.
