Next time I would be more careful. The next group I joined was started by a renegade member of the previous group. She assured me that this playgroup was a much more casual group. There was no "leader" and everyone was free to voice their opinions on what and when we would have activities. Also, we would be free to participate or not participate in activities as our schedules allowed without fear of being banned from the group. There were a few other moms and babies from the previous group that joined this one, too, and having really clicked with all of them, I was excited for my new group. Things went well for the first month, where we had laid-back playgroups and park dates where we would compare ourselves to the last group some of us had been in and laugh. I was becoming close with a couple of the other women, which was great — I had been living in this new city since my pregnancy and had no local friends outside of my husband's co-workers.
A couple of the girls lived very close to me so we would occasionally meet up for coffee (finally, that latte!) and make plans to see authors speak or to tour wineries. We liked the message boards aspect of the last group so we had my husband, a bit of a tech geek, set up our own message board and calendar so we could plan events and keep up with one another when we were unable to chat on the phone. One of the moms and I came up with an idea to have a potluck, so we could share recipes and save some money while enjoying one another’s company. It all seemed innocuous enough to me, so I posted about it one morning while my daughter napped, on the message boards. Later that day I checked back to see if anyone else was interested and along with the majority of our members interest I saw a condemning message from the group’s founder saying that she had no interest in such an activity and her idea for starting a playgroup did not include such activities. I was completely confused and tried talking it out with my husband who guessed that maybe I wasn’t "playgroup material" after all. A mutual friend called this group’s founder to see where we went wrong and was told by the founder that she didn’t appreciate starting a group and having its members go out and do things (like have coffee) behind her back.
Was my husband right? Was I not playgroup material? I felt like all the stress of the first playgroup was playing itself out all over again. Of course immediately I wanted to confront this other mom. Instead, I went to another mom in the group, a Public Relations impresario in her former life before becoming a SAHM and asked her what to do. And then I followed her advice, which was to wait it out and do nothing. Within this new group, the problem member, who also happened to be the founder, decided to go her separate way not long after anyway. It was strange, waiting it out, but it worked. Currently we enjoy a truly stress-free group where all activities are optional for everyone.
Megan Kerns is the stay at home mother of 1-year old Penelope Mae. She is originally from Kansas City, Mo., but currently lives in Dayton, Ohio, with her husband and their two cats.
