Tell Daddy what he can do to help. It's very important that your spouse or partner be there for you right now. He may want to help you, but he may be unsure of how. Here are a few things that he can do for you -- show him this list to help him help you:
Understand.
It's critical that your spouse or partner feel that you understand that she is going through a hormonally driven depression that she cannot control -- and that she is not "just being grumpy." Tell her you know this is normal, and that she'll be feeling better soon. Simply looking over this list and using some of the ideas will tell her a lot about your commitment to (and belief in) her.
Let her talk about her feelings.
Knowing she can talk to you about her feelings without being judged or criticized will help her feel much better.
Tend to the baby.
Taking care of your baby so Mommy can sleep or take a shower can give her a breath of fresh air. Have her nurse the baby and then you can take him for a walk (using a sling will keep Baby happy) or go on an outing. A benefit for you is that most babies love to be out and about and will enjoy this special time with you.
Step in to protect her.
If she's overwhelmed with visitors, kindly explain to company that she needs a lot of rest. Help her with whatever household duties usually fall to her (or get someone to help her) and do what you can to stay on top of yours. Worry about the house's cleanliness or laundry upkeep will do her no good whatsoever. If relatives offer to take the baby for a few hours, or to help with the house, take them up on it.
Tell her she's beautiful.
Most woman feel depressed about the way they look after childbirth -- because most still look four months pregnant! After changing so greatly to accommodate a baby's development, a woman's body takes months to regain any semblance of normalcy. Be patient with both her body and her feelings about it. Tell her what an amazing thing she's accomplished. Any compliments that acknowledge her unique beauty are sure to be greatly appreciated!
Tell her you love the baby.
Don't be bashful about gushing over the baby. Mommy loves to hear that you're enraptured with this new little member of your family.
Be affectionate, but be patient about sex.
With all that she's struggling with physically and emotionally, weeks may pass before she's ready for sex (even if she's had an OK after her checkup.) That doesn't mean she doesn't love you or need you -- she just needs a little time to get back to the physical aspects of your sexual relationship.
Tell her you love her.
Even when she isn't feeling down, she needs to hear this -- and right now it's more important for her health and well-being than ever.
Get support for you, too.
Becoming a father is a giant step in your life. Open up to a friend about how it feels to be a Dad, and do things that you enjoy, too. Taking care of yourself will help you take care of your new family.
Learn more about Elizabeth Pantley, mother, author, speaker and parenting expert.
