Daycare Blues
Well, we survived the first week of daycare. Barely.
Sydney went Monday and Tuesday for me to only pull her out and not take her Wednesday. When I picked her up Monday, I could see that she had been recently crying and when I looked closer, I saw that she had red spots all over her forehead. When I asked the teacher about it, she acted like she didn’t know what I was talking about. When I asked AGAIN, she reluctantly told me that when she had placed Sydney in her bouncy chair, the toy bar had fallen forward and hit her in the head and that because she had another child who was crying for his bottle, she couldn’t tend to her.
Tuesday, they got my video access set up and I watched all day from my computer at work. I saw, that at one point, they left her sitting up in her boppy pillow unattended, where she eventually fell forward onto her tummy. The teacher was changing a diaper and immediately placed Sydney somewhere else safely. I wasn’t able to watch every second, but felt like the day had gone somewhat better. So I thought. The picture is very grainy so you can’t see their face. I can not see her crib with this view but saw the teacher go lay her down on several occasions. Well, much to my surprise, when her daddy picked her up that afternoon, we were informed that she had had a “difficult” day of crying and not napping. They had laid her down, but she had fussed and not fallen asleep. NO NAP.
Later in the evening, we were feeding her and noticed two swollen knots on the back of her head. Her daddy threw a fit, I took pictures and we instantly started making a plan of action. We held her out Wednesday and took her to her grandma’s. I called the center and told them what I had found and my thoughts. I also called Sydney’s doctor to get reassurance that she would be okay. Her nurse assured me that she would be fine but that I needed to take a firm hand with the director and stand my ground on her care. She is also a mother and understands what it means to have to put your child in daycare.
I spoke with the director and asked to see the video of both days. I will be viewing that on Monday. I also told her that IF we bring Sydney back, I want another teacher or herself in the room to make sure that Sydney has the attention she needs until she is comfortable and adjusts to her environment. We’ll see. I just think that four babies is way too much for one teacher and each child can not get the attention that they need.
The good news is that my best friend, who has a private nanny, called and insists that I bring Sydney to her house for the three days that she would be in daycare. Her nanny was going to check with her sister-in-law to see if she would help her out for three days. I should know something this weekend. I’m not counting on it, but hope that this works out. This would be great for Sydney. Two adults with three children. We just can’t afford a full time nanny on our own.
This is so difficult for us. As it is for many parents. The hardest part of having children is having to be away from them and relying on someone else to care for them. Unfortunately, being a two income household, there is just no other solution.
Comments
I hope everything works out for you. I know it has to be hard, I’m so afraid to let someone else care for my child. He’s older he’s 18 months old but it’s hard to think that someone can care for your child like you do. I sleep for 4 hours a night just so I can work when daddys home sometimes you have no choice when you need the two incomes.
this is definately what i didnt need too read since this week i have been debateing on sending my 12 month old to a church day care 3 mornings a week.
i dont work i just felt like i needed a little time to do somethings i should do around the house as my husband works all the time. i was trying to help him out and be a little selfish with my time. is this wrong??
what should i do for the best interest of my sons.
It really depends upon the daycare. It sounds like you’ve had a horrible experience. Our experience has been quite the opposite. We put our son in daycare when he was about 8 months old. (It would have been sooner, but we had the good(?) fortune of at least one of us being unemployed up to that point.) He has been thriving at daycare. If we have another child, I won’t hesitate to send him/her there when they’re old enough. You’ve got to trust your instincts. If the caregivers and/or the facility give you a bad vibe, don’t send your child there. But don’t feel guilty for sending a child to daycare – you’re not going to be able to watch over them every moment of their lives and you deserve a break once in a while!
My comment goes along with the last mother. My son has been in day care since he was two months old. I work full time and am the main bread winner in the family. His father was stationed in Germany until he was 7 months. We have no family near by. But we have good friends who had been through the day care experience and provided good guidance and advise. We love our day care and our son thrives. The Teachers are very attentive and they have been very dependable for good advise to a first time mom. Not to say our son hasn’t had his share of bumps and bruises, but I get phone calls from the main teacher to discuss the situation and have an explanation, plus an incident report when we pick him up. We are fortunate to have a proactive daycare when it comes to care and learning, and we have never felt concerned. We also pay more than most day cares, but get good care and I would pay double if I had to. It is well worth it. If you know people who have their children in day care, it would be worth shopping around and asking people what they think or feel about their daycare.
Wow, what an awful experience! I had to put my daughter (now 6 months) in daycare at 3 months old, and she has done wonderfully. She absolutely loves being there, so don’t feel bad if Sydney has to go, you might just look for another center. I use a YWCA center, and despite my initial apprehension about taking her there, I’ve been really happy with it. I work right across the street, so I’m able to go check on her during the day, which helps my state of mind, but she’s never had any injuries, thank goodness. Sure, sometimes she’s crying & they can’t get to her right that moment, but if anything’s really wrong, they take care of it right away. It’s just a bonus that it’s fairly inexpensive. Don’t think that just because you pay a lot, you’ll get better care! That’s not necessarily true. Hang in there – something will work out for ya!
About two years ago I was a two-year old teacher for the ‘number one rated’ preschool in my county. I was responsible for 11 (yes ELEVEN) children by myself. It was hard enough to make sure diapers were fresh (might I add that when I was changing one my back was turned to the rest of my class) and let’s not forget about potty training (which then I was inside a bathroom with one baby while the other kids were in the room). The things that I went through and saw and having the burden that if anything god forbid did happen to one of my kids that it would fall on my shoulders was too much to bear. Even if the place does have remote access (which we did) trust me you still don’t see the half of it. It truly soured me on the whole idea of daycare and I know each facility is different but the only words of wisdom I can add to this is find a daycare with the lowest child/teacher ratio since it would have been the only possible way I could have done my job properly. I know many of us don’t have a choice and must send our kids to daycare and I really did fall in love with each and every child in my classroom but I am only one person and the ‘what-ifs’ and potential hazards were everywhere. I hated that I didn’t get more one on one time with the babies- I even would pack my lunches so I could take my lunchtime to give some much needed attention to the ones I saw who needed it most. It was just a very disheartening experience. I wish all of you the best in finding a qualified teacher- not daycare since I think the burden falls on the individual taking care of your children not the company.
A 4:1 baby/ teacher ratio is actually decent, and well within the law. How many kids would you expect in a day care room? That seems quite reasonable to me.
A group setting is never going to provide the kind of attention they would get at home or with a one on one provider.
Obviously if you have a bad vibe about this place then fdon’t go with it. But you need to carefully look at whether your hopes and expectations are actually in line with what group day care can actually offer. You may have to make some compromises.
As for the mom who wants to put her 12 wk old in a program 3 mornings a week so she can get more done around the house I say to not do it. I think that is too much time for a baby that little. If you are breastfeeding that seems like a lot of extra work to have to pump when you wouldn’t have to if you were with your baby. Why jump full steam into 3 mornings a week? Try one (I think it is a good idea to take a little bit of personal time) instead. If you have the money for daycare then maybe use that money for getting someone to come help you with the house instead. That way you can enjoy these early moments of your baby’s life. They’ll be gone too soon. Plenty of time to get them into daycare, Moms’ morning out programs and the like. I just think it is too young and unnecessary to send a 12 week old off for 3 mornings a week (and for probably 2-4 hours too, huh?).
As a former Early child care provider I can say i would never put my child in daycare. I worked for a very well know North American child care facility that cares for babys from 6 months to 5 years and the majority of the educators there where really wonderful women who love the kids they cared for, however, there were also, like any job, women that did their jobs very badly. They never hurt the children in their care but they gave them no love, little or no kindness and they were left alone to care for these kids. One woman openedly refered to one little boy daily who was 19 months old as a sh*t bomb. She was reprimanded when the head of the centre found out but she didn’t lose her job. Another time I worked with a woman who would refuse to talk to a child who had a lisp unless they spoke clearly. The child would be in tears trying to talk and she would just blow him off. I wouldn’t take a chance with my child that i may get a good child care provider because the effects of a bad one are to big.
Finally I wonder how many of you are willing to hand over your VISA cards every morning to the woman caring for your baby if you can’t seriously do that then don’t hand over your most valuable possesion, your baby.
Maybe just downsizing and pinching the pennies so you can stay home is the best option.
Wow.. Can I relate. I have had two daycare nightmares (although they weren’t necessarily the worst of the horror stories, it was still enough for me) myself with my now 1 year old. I am glad it worked out for you and I hope I can find an affordable solution as well. It is so hard to trust your kids somewhere else, let alone to find out that they were mistreated!
I don’t think you want to bring your baby back to that daycare. Like the others said, always follow your intuition – thats why God gave it to us. The daycare dilemma is hard, but there are great places out there. I went to a home daycare when I was growing up (I was so close to my daycare mom, she was at my wedding and my son’s baptism!) and I’ve had my son in a home daycare since he was three months (he is 23 months now). The nice thing about the RIGHT home daycare is that there is one person there who will always be there who can truly get to know your little one. My own personal feelings about centers is the turnover and the rewards. This is another job to them and the kids are interchangeable. All the rules and the regs hamstring the best of them and set minimums for the worst of them. If you have someone who runs their own business out of their home and loves children, then you know they are taking pride in their work and that they are establishing a long term relationship with you and your baby. Honestly, my son learned to walk and talk faster than most kids because he learned by watching the other kids and imitating. I believe he is better off at daycare than he would be with me alone, because I could never give him all the playmates he has and stimulation he gets from his daycare mom. So hang in there and make the best of your situation. Find an arrangement (I would really look into home daycare since you get the personalization without the exorbitant costs of a nanny) that you are 100% confident with and things will get better. You’ll know the right person when you meet her. It can take some time, but it will be well worth it in the end. Good luck!!
I’m sorry to hear you have had a bad experience with daycare. As a reg. provider I have heard stories about Centers and other home providers {many of whom have been unregistered}.
My 1st suggestion is to never watch the video-cam. You cannot really know what is going on unless you are there. You see your dd teeter over and think she is receiving minimal care.. which is not true.
I have never had a baby go home with injuries like you described. BUT.. once they start climbing.. my chairs.. my sofa.. the little kiddie table…etc.. they start falling.
If a parent cannot understand that little Jimmy or Mandy will get a bruise now and then.. I do suggest hiring an in-home nanny. That way they parent can feel the do control everything. Parents in this category usually end of homeschooling as a way to avoid having the child move on in life.
Well actually there is another option. And no it’s not easy. But you can find a way to be home with your child if you want to be. I did. I started my own child care. Now this isn’t for everyone but find something that works for you. I left a great job & benefits, but I’ll tell you, nothing matters more than your child. Hire a nanny. Start your own business of some kind. Work nights while your husband works days or take extra hours on the weekend. People tell me all the time “I wish I could be home with my child”. Well it took more than wishing for me to be home. I made it happen. We’re not loaded with cash, just regular everyday people with a lot of debt & responsibility. It was the best decision I ever made. Think about it & don’t say there’s no other option.
Also- if you must use child care, consider a licensed home day care. I personally would never put my child in a big center. A home environment & personal relationship with a provider is so much better. Also less kids.
Unfortunately, in just as many cases, I have found that to be not quite the case. ,