Airline Discriminated Against Nursing Mom. Duh?
 I couldn't find a blanket... Sorry y'all. George Doyle / Getty Images |
I've read a bunch of stories about this and one thing I find interesting is some of the wording. Some stories say she refused to "cover up" and others say she refused to "cover the child's head" or other such things. Come on, now. Just say it. She refused to cover her breast. It's the breast here that caused the flight attendant to be so offended, right? Every time I hear about cases like this, I have to wonder what the problem really is. Is it the breast?
I was asked to leave a store one time, but it wasn't an employee who asked. It was another mother. "Can't you do that somewhere else?" she asked me, with such venom and disdain. I was completely taken aback. I was a new mom and unsure of myself even though I was doing just fine. Still, I was hurt and confused about why this woman seemed to hate me for something that weeks before was just a notion in my head but by then (my son was only a few weeks old at the time) seemed like the most normal thing on the planet. Why did she hate me? Why was she so angry? Why was she so condescending?
I still wonder why. I do think the climate has shifted in this area in recent years, though. I think sometimes it's not about being offended at all, but it's more about politics or making a statement. Do you think the flight attendant really was offended?
And I say, "Duh?" But really, it's not a given that your rights are protected as a nursing mom, unfortunately. Most states do say, "Yes, you can!" And they offer protection from harassment and discrimination in private establishments and public places. Some, however, don't offer moms any legal protection at all. (Come on Massachusetts, North Dakota and West Virginia!)
Comments
I agree with you 100%! My baby is due anytime now and I am unsure of what my rights are as far as nursing in public because even if an employee doesn’t harrass you…another patron might. I think alot of it has to do with people being so preocupied with the sexuality aspect of breasts and not the OTHER purpose they were most intended for. Grow up people, and PLEASE mind your own business. If you don’t have something nice to say…don’t say anything at all!
Right Katie, I mean, it’s not illegal in any state, of course, but the laws really do vary pretty widely. The crazy thing to me is that quite a few states previously had absolutely no laws and have only recently (like in the last 2-3 years) passed new legislation to protect moms and recognize their right to breast-feed. La Leche League has a great state by state breakdown…
Ok, I don’t think that any mom should be discriminated against for breast feeding. She is feeding her child…should a formula feeding mom have to hide the bottle? But, what i don’t understand is that these moms say they couldn’t cover up..um..why not? You don’t have to have a blanket…or at least I didn’t. I nursed my kids and I just tucked them up against my belly and pulled my shirt up (not down) then laid my shirt up against his mouth…leaving me mostly if not completely covered. I sat during a family gathering nursing and no one knew I was even nursing until my son was finished and I burped him. So, come on, a lot of these ladies purposely leave their boob hanging out just for the attention and publicity. If you don’t want the harassment, don’t purposely give them something to b**ch about!!
I think it is more than just showing the breast. There is some sort of stigma in some parts of the country. People are so uncomfortable with it. I never even did it in public or around family. My mother-in-law kept telling me I only needed to do it six weeks after I had my son and I think she thought formula was so much better for him which is completely the opposite. My breastfeeding class and doctors said a minimum of six months to a year and longer is ideal. Then my friends that were older made me feel like a weirdo for breastfeeding my son until he was nine months. Like I was a pervert or something. I received no support except from my doctors and my husband. I was discouraged.
Things are a little twisted when you need laws to protect your right to breastfeed. I nursed all three of my kids anywhere we went. Our last child made it just past a year. Very few people ever noticed even while I was talking to them. It’s cultural, too. My husband is Hispanic. His grandmother just assumed I would bottle feed. I agree that in most cases where people complain, it’s because the mom is purposely showing off a bit. Either way, moms who want to breastfeed should not have to worry about anything other than their baby’s best interest.
Nicole — I think that’s what I’m saying about politics or making a statement. It goes both ways. I do not think that all the people who are saying “cover up” are really offended by it. I think some are more likely making a statement about their own beliefs or how they think that mom should be behaving. Same with some moms who nurse in public and do so in very obvious ways. Of course some people may be truly offended. I think that is different than mere discomfort — I mean, I get a little uncomfortable if I’m at a movie theater and there’s nudity. Times 10 if anyone in my family is with me. It’s a bit awkward. Everyone kind of gets quiet… you know? But I’m not offended.
Also, I know some moms are very skilled at nursing discreetly, but I was never one of those. I’m all thumbs and left feet and have nipples the size of tea saucers, so it was always a challenge. I did always try, though, if I was in a public place. Even though I always stood by my right to nurse anywhere I pleased, it was never my goal to be IN YOUR FACE or make people feel uncomfortable. That’s just me. I know others feel like they need to do that to break down the barriers. It’s kind of like PETA. They’re so hard core and militant and probably have more haters than lovers… but they do get things done for their agenda. Honey vs. vinegar, I guess?
Karen — I’m feelin’ ya there. I had the same problems with my in-laws. I think the hard part for my MIL was that she had formula fed her kids and here I was going on about breast-feeding and how great it was for the baby and all that… really getting my talking points out there in a preemptive strike, because I already knew I was going to be challenged by folks in my family who’d made different choices. I realize now that I probably sounded so defensive. I was. So were they. But you know how it is sometimes when you’re defending your choice, you come off as bashing another person’s choice even though you may not be intentionally doing that. Although some are intentionally doing it… of course.
And I nursed for several years, quite by accident (see this article at Babble for a great story that I can totally relate to that experience). I think some folks basically thought I should be on the sex offender registry. I think they envisioned me at home, sprawled out in ecstasy every day with my toddler at my breast. But really, in that last year, he only nursed a handful of times and they were desperate times. (Unfamiliar places, a couple of really bad illnesses, when I’d been out of town, etc.) He was eating food. Drinking. Normal toddler stuff. And then there was the occasional boob…
Nicole – I am slightly offended by your remark that moms who don’t cover up are just showing off. I nursed my daughter for just over a year, when less than 2 months ago I had to stop becuase we found out she has a rare form of cancer and while undergoing the first round of many rounds of treatment she stopped eating for 3 weeks. Because of the stress and her not eating my milk supply stopped. While she was nursing it was difficult to stay covered up. I have very large breasts, and to pull my shirt over or lay a blanket over would cover her face, and who wants to eat with a covered face? I would LOVE to be able to still nurse her, but that is not possible now. Please think before you lump all breastfeeding mothers in one category!
I am currently nursing my 4th and it wasn’t until my last child that I was willing to nurse in church, although that is one of the places you don’t want a child crying. I think it can be done fairly discreetly, but sometimes on TV I have seen reports and all they show are women in button down shirts. Come on – a shirt like a t-shirt that you lift and it can fall down to close to the baby’s head is much more discreet than unbuttoning 5 buttons to expose your whole upper body. I’m not perfect by any stretch. She will let go and I will talk to her forgetting to cover quickly but that is usually at home. By now my family is all used to it.
I am a breastfeeding mother and when I breastfeed in public it is NOT TO SHOW OFF! I have large breasts with large areola and my son (3 mos) will not latch if he can’t see my face. Also he gets really fussy with a blanket over him as
I am sure you would too Nicole. Try to eat your meal in a warm place with a blanket over your head cut off from your family who you might be used to looking at. I get bothered by those who think it is a sexual thing…HUH? This is the most natural thing and I am providing food in the best way for my son. To be offended by that others should be offended by anyone eating or drinking. Besides why do people have to stare so hard at me when I am nursing even with a blanket. It is not like I am from another planet. Breastfeeding mothers should be offended by the second class treatment they receive at many places.
That’s a good point you bring up, Nicole… Part of feeding times (no matter how you’re feeding your child) are about bonding and your baby looking at your face. Covering up isn’t very conducive to that.
I’m a breastfeeding mother. My son is 20 months and I’ve gotten numerous comments from other mothers when I’m going to stop breastfeeding. First they ask if I’m still breastfeeding then they tell me that I should stop. They haven’t weaned their kids off of formula. Like I’m some sort of sicko for nursing my son. Our society has really gone to the dogs. Thank goodness for organizations like La Leche League.
I don’t think you need to have your boob hanging out to feed your kid. If public nudity isn’t allowed why should you be allowed to have your breasts hanging out to breast feed? People don’t wanna see your chest. What about children that see that in public? It’s ridiculous. And not just mothers that breast feed are discriminated against. I’ve heard of mothers who have been harrassed by the women at the checkout for buying formula.
As a father, I have never seen my wife breastfeed any of our kids in public. There was never a need for her to pull out her breast to nurse our child. There are breastpumps, that could be used at home…and the milk can be stored in that. I understand how it could make some ppl uncomfortable. Its not about trying to discriminate against nursing mothers or get in the way of you feeding your child. Its about consideration. That’s all.
My sister in law exclusivly breast feeds, and she uses a great product called the Hooter Hider. It’s basically looks like an apron you hang around your neck, folds up and fits in your diaper bag, and allows a bf mom to be discreet in the middle of public places. She is a very open, “earth mother” type, but uses this to make others feel less uncomfortable, thus making her feel more relaxed.
I think some men might feel embarassed around bf mothers, because they might feel conflicted about being turned on by seeing a bare breast/feel kind of like a pervert for being turned on during this act. Other people, my husband included, feel that breastfeeding makes the breasts less sexual (the pigs!!!) and thus feel uncomfortable. That’s my take on why there is such a big deal around this. Notice that in other countries, there is usually not such outcry regarding breastfeeding.
And the ladies who object? They are likely letting their own preferences for breastfeeding come out. (by seeing a bf mom, they might feel that their choice of not bf to be passivly criticized, which is riduculous, but possible. Or they might feel guilt that they didnt, or sadness that they couldn’t, and take it out on the unsuspecting bf mom.)
Hang in there everyone!
I have been around breastfeeding all my life so it has always been the “normal” thing to me. It wasn’t until I began nursing my first son that I realized how much our culture doesn’t encourage or support breastfeeding moms. I think its sad that women are fooled into thinking that its not important even though there are soooo many health benefits for mom and baby. I say women should be able to breastfeed anytime anywhere and if someone has a problem with it they are the ones who should leave, not us!
I can not believe this is still a issue that we in the year 2008 have to deal with on a regular basis!! Come on people; I am a mom of 4 and I breastfed everyone of them (past a year). It is the most natural thing there is; your breast are not sexual toys; they weren’t given to you for your partners enjoyment. Womens breast produce milk for one reason–to feed your child! I do believe that when in public you should try to be discreet and keep a receiving blanket close by or have a loose fitting shirt that will fall to lay on top of the baby’s head to avoid any issues. Depending on the age and temperment of your baby covering them up isn’t always a option. I nursed my last baby in public more than my oldest 3. I even nursed in church because we didn’t have a nursery and I decided it was time to take a stand on the issue; you don’t eat your steak and potatoes while sitting on a toliet seat why should my daughter?! If you are expecting and want to breastfeed be sure that the nursing staff know this and don’t be afraid to ask questions of them, thats their job. La Leche and WIC are also great places to get help and encouragement with breastfeeding. They offer individual and group sessions. We can do this ladies–hold your head high, look them in the eye, smile and say “yes I AM a breastfeeding mama and PROUD of it!”
Oh PLEASE!!!! What it comes down to for me, is I’m sick to death of seeing other peoples body parts, and my sons seeing other people’s body parts, when we didn’t ask for it! COVER UP YOUR FREAKING BREASTS! I breast feed, and I cover myself. It IN NO WAY disrupts my bonding. If you use that excuse, you don’t really know what bonding with your baby is. Pick a cause that is actually important!
I am a breastfeeding mom, and I just don’t understand why you would not cover up. There are so many tiny digital cameras, camera phones, etc. now and so many perverts in the world. I personally do not want my breast to end up on the web somewhere or for anyone elses viewing but my husband and my child. I am comfortable breastfeeding in public and most of the time I don’t think people even notice. Why, because I am covered up. All you need is a blanket or even a burp cloth, which you would have anyway.
As a mother that is breastfeeding her second child, I would say to Rachel, you are missing a teachable moment with your sons. There is certainly no reason that you have to be offended that your son might see a breast. He should probably know what they are for at any age. After all, boys will inundated with breasts on TV and in magazine racks at the grocery store for the rest of their lives.
To Z, the father, I would say that maybe you should try one of those pumps on for size. I joke with my husband about that and he thinks it looks painful. For me, they are; I personally hate using them and do not have the time. They are not as convenient as you might think.
I always cover my breast with a blanket when I nurse in public, but that is not to say I think it is for everyone. I can easily see how some babies would be distracted by being covered. It is a shame that people actually get offended by mothers who they feel are not discreet enough. We should worry more about other problems that children face.
I only ever formula fed my kids, but have no objections to the nursing in public issue. I do think an effort should be made to be discreet, though.
Not every woman is a good “cow”, the breast pumps are not easy to use. I only ever got 2oz that way. Not nearly enough and only 1 of 4 would take a bottle anyway. A
After about 3-4 months the blanket covering doesn’t really work because they use it as a toy to fling it around drawing more attention to the nursing.
I try again not to have anyone see anything and thankfully no one has compained
I breastfed, discreetly, for two years. Very few people thought I was doing anything other than holding my baby. Why? When I was struggling to feed my baby girl one morning in a restaurant (she kept pushing the cloth around) a kind woman told me about Motherhood catalog. I found them on the internet and found some very cute nursing clothes. Most had a slit large enough to just let through the nipple and a little breast so that my child could eat and still see my face and her surroundings. When you are not feeding the clothing is made to cover the slit as part of the design. They are ingeniously made! I fed her on planes, in restaurants, church, public places, wherever I wanted. I am a nurse and believe that breastfeeding is the best for the baby and mom if it is physically possible. However, I don’t believe you have to be showy and obvious about it.
I’ve never been to Europe or USA and sometimes I get confused by the norms of these societies. They have the highest use and access to pornography, wear the shortest skirts and the lowest necks….. but they are offended by a breastfeeding baby?? I come from Kenya, Africa, and breastfeeding in public is acceptable as kissing in public in centre of Paris.
These people who get so traumatized by seeing a woman breastfeed her child just need to grow up and get over it. It is just a breast for godsake! Of all the things in the world to be offended by or to judge someone for. These people offend me! I breastfed my daughter for a year and a half and I always tried to be as discrete as possible, but trying to get my daughter latched on was like trying to hit a moving target. I never masterd the art of getting the breast out and the baby on quickly. I’m all thumbs. I agree with what some of the other posters said about the importance of the baby being able to see the mother’s face during breastfeeing. My daughter would stare up at me and touch my face the whole time I would feed her. I’m sorry, but I wasn’t about to throw a blanket over her face just to make a few maladjusted adults more comefortable. Obiously they weren’t breastfed.
Why do people have to stare anyways? It’s completely natural to beastfeed your baby. I can understand if you are in public and it’s actually hanging out and your whole beast is exposed nipples and all but you shouldn’t have to completely cover your baby. I breastfed my daughter for the first year. We had tried to supplement with formula when we were out but she refused to drink it and she wouldn’t take a bottle. I tried to pump and had no luck with that at all either. I would get no more than 2 ounces and it was quite painful. I was lucky that the mall that I usually went to has a “baby place” where women can go to breastfeed, change diapers and warm up bottles. But when I was out elsewhere, I would sometimes get a look like I was an alien or something. My husband is hispanic so in his family if a woman is breastfeeding, the “older” men just simply leave the room. I think that in todays society people do associate the breast as a sex toy and not for it’s real meaning. And for all you people who don’t teach your children about it, it’s not our fault. I don’t purposely hang all out but sometimes when the baby suddently moves away I try to conceal my breast but sometimes it`s too late for the ones who do stare. After 2 months, my daughter didn`t want the blanket on and would always push it off anyways. Not only that she would fall asleep from being too cozy or she`ll get too hot and fuss. I am not heavy chested but women with larger breast do have a more difficult time. I am expecting my second child and I do plan to breastfeed. My daughter is just over 2 years old and she has seen her Aunt breastfeed and we explained to her that babies eat differently than she does and when the new baby comes that mommy will give the baby mommy’s milk just like she had when she was a baby. So if you don`t like…DON`T WATCH!!!!
I don’t understand what the big deal is over breastfeeding. Seriously, do we look like we get off on having our child feed from us? Can you see nipple while the child is attached? Why is it that the sight of the top of a naked breast sends people into a friggin’ tizzy but these same people can watch movies with full frontal nudity of women? I suppose that Hollywood nakedness is accepted because the actresses have “perfect” bodies and “perfect” breasts, but the average woman has to be ashamed of hers. Give me a break. I advocate breastfeeding all the way and if someone doesn’t like what they see, no one said the had to look!
I think breastfeeding is the most natural thing to do and nothing is wrong about doing it in public. However I do think that a mother should cover up with either a blanket or nursing shaw of some sort out of respect for other people.
There is no reason why someone should be offended if they’re asked to cover up when breastfeeding. Breastfeeding is just like anything else you might do in public. If you are consious and courtious of others there is no issue. Personally, I didn’t care to have the entire world see my breast when I was feeding my children.
I was a flight attendant once upon a time. It is “shocking” to everyone within view, when it is done indiscreetly. Period. When I became a mother and breastfed, I was respectflul of others and had no dirty looks or comments.
I don’t think this issue is about being indecent. If that were an issue many woman would be harassed for the revealing clothing that they wear. I agree that people are very uncomfortable with the act of nursing. To many uneducated people cannot separate breastfeeding from sexual acts.I feel that the people who have a problem with it need some kind of counseling or learn to LOOK AWAY!! I do feel that modesty should compel a woman to be discreet and this can be done. Just wear the appropriate clothing. No two breasts are alike so some of us will have a harder time being discreet than others so give mom’s a break!!
I’ve breastfed both of my children in public, and never once have I had to show my breasts! I’ve always been able to do it while covering myself (for myself as well as those around me). What about the rights of those around who have to see your breasts? Even if you look away they’ve still already seen it! And, yes, it IS nudity!
Do mother’s cover their child’s head when they are bottled fed? Who wants to eat in the dark. if someone is offended or outraged by a little nipple, get a life! There are more important things to focus on. I nurse in public often. If someone gets their willies or even offended by my nipple, their problem
I agree that this should be private.Although I breast feed both my children, I always went into a room by myself if we had company, in public, I stayed in my car, or went to a restroom that had couches. I don’t want to see another womens boobs, even if it is natural. It’s natural to walk around the house naked too, would you do that w/ non family over? It is uncomforable for the other couple, even when you stop because their spouse saw your boob, I’m sorry but boobs to men are sexual, whether they are big or small, filled with milk or saline. They are men, what planet are you from if you think the hot moms of today don’t arouse men, we are even portrayed in movies as MILFS? Please, okay, do it in public if you must but cover it up so other don’t have to see it. It is offensive to those of us who like privacy and think our boobs should only be seen by our spouse or our babies we nurse.Why not forget bras completely and lets all flash headlight, it’s natural, it is arousing and that my friends,,,, is natural and can’t be helped…The facts of life.
we all know there are times when things dont work out perfectly: ie. you and baby are just learning how to bf and sometimes baby pops off alot or you are having a hard time establishing a latch. i think people/observers should be more inclined to look away if it bothers them, and extend a little grace to moms who are figuring it out, or have a squirmy baby or what have you.
if only people had a more positive perspective on breastfeeding and didnt see it as gross/perverted/indecent.
being discrete should be something we aim for, but there are those times when it just doesnt work out that way.
and to the lady who said breasts are not sexual and are only meant for feeding, perhaps you could try reading Song of Solomon…
I’m with Mary…I can’t believe this is still such an issue. However, when I breastfed in public I was discreet. Is it so hard to use common sense? Of course, being small-breasted to begin with, it’s a bit easier to be discreet!
no one ever confronted me, but if they had they would have had a fight on their hands. (BTW, I’m a former flight attendant for a major airline.)
Any large-breasted nursing mother knows how difficult it is to “cover up.” When you’re trying to stuff an enormous, jiggling hooter into a screaming baby’s mouth, you don’t have time to concentrate on anything other than avoiding smothering your baby with your giant jugs. I envied women who could just carry their baby in one arm while their baby drank from their perfectly perky, always-in-the-same-position breast. Alas, for those first few months, I felt as if I were trying to wrestle a jello mold into a baby food jar. If I so much tried to pick up the phone while my baby latched on, my massive mammary would flop right out of my baby’s mouth.
I’m telling you this because I still managed to breastfeed for two years, thanks to the support of only my husband, my local hospital help-line, my baby’s day care provider, an understanding employer, and caring salesclerks. Without their support, I would have become discouraged and probably not made it through the first couple of months. The airline should be ashamed of itself for turning away a woman just for being a great and dedicated mother.
Yea Laura! (and all those like her) All devoted breastfeeding moms rock! Keep on doin’ what you’re doin’, dispite critism and lack of support, if that is your situation. I am fortunate to live in Austin…a very family supportive community.
I breastfeed in public and yeah it hurts that people can be so cruel. But they should try covering their bottle fed babies heads with a blanket when they eat and see if they like it! I am doing what is best for me and my baby and will not hide in a fecus-ridden bathroom to feed him. Ridiculous!
Why do you think God made breasts??!
I hope that flight attendant gets a lot of flack from people who know her.
Some people are uncomfortable if a woman has her breast hanging out. There is also the possibility of spraying someone with breast milk if your baby unlatches while feeding. I know it is a bit of a bother to cover yourself but I covered myself if I had to feed my babies while out in public and I didn’t get all huffy against others that were not comfortable with me breast feeding.
I always envy and respect Moms who are confident enough to breastfeed their baby in public. I don’t have enough confident to do so and as the result my baby feel the same.
Here, in Indonesia, I’ve seen the lower class people breastfeed their baby, even in an opened market place or inside a public transport. However, the middle and upper class people tend to hide in the nursery room area in the massive shopping mall.
I think the main issue here is the general perception and thought on showing women’s breast in public. There are groups of people who are intolerant about it because they think (covered or not) it is impolite.
I breast fed both my children and I always tried to be discreet. I was not ashamed, but for some people it IS offensive. That’s a fact-you can’t change that. So, my advice is to go ahead and nurse in public, but use a nursing sheet(you can buy them in wallmart) or a nursing shirt which has an opening and nothing really shows and baby can still breath. There is nothing wrong with being sensitive to how others feel. In fact, it may make nursing in public far more comfortable for all concerned.
My response to this dilemma was always, “I don’t eat under a blanket/in a bathroom/etc., nor should my baby.” Check the responses you get to that.
Why our society has it in for mother and child, I’ll never know…
This website helps some persons to learn and understand what women breasts are made for.
http://www.007b.com/breast_taboo.php
I do cover myself but because I just donīt want to be the object of morbid interests and not because what other people think.
In my opinion, people who can not “tolerate” to see a nursing mom, have really serious sexual problems they donīt even know they have.
“If someone seems to be bothered by you nursing, or asks you to leave, you can kindly remind the person that breastfeeding is legal, normal and the best nutrition for the baby, or other facts about breastfeeding.”
“But it may still happen that they “oust” you out. If you have had problems with public breastfeeding and have been asked to leave malls, pools, restaurants, etc., or to go to restroom to nurse, or if you have had problems at workplace, you can report it to FirstRight. FirstRight takes every reported incident of discrimination seriously, aiming to establish a correspondence with the organization in question, and discuss to implement a breastfeeding friendly policy.” (http://www.007b.com/breastfeeding_public.php)
“FirstRight aspires to ensure freedom from discrimination for breastfeeding mothers and their children. FirstRight works collaboratively with other organizations to protect, promote and support breastfeeding as the cultural norm.”
FirstRight website:http://www.firstright.org/
It is “easier” so to speak for smaller breasted women to feed, since I am smaller breasted. I completely agree with Laura as I have friends and family who do find it a bit harder to be discreet because of their breast size. I can understand if you completely expose your breasts while getting the baby ready and it’s completely out full frontal view. I would only cover until the baby was latched then move the blanket off as my daughter did not enjoy having a blanket on her and she would move it off anyways. Why don’t you try eating under a hot blanket?? What’s the difference…a woman wearing a low cut shirt or you seeing the top of her breast while she is nursing? It’s not like you see the full nipple when she’s nursing. If you are really that “offended” by it then you’re the one who needs a reality check…chances are you were once breastfed too!!! I’m not giving up what’s good for my baby because someone is offended by me feeding my baby. Get a life and find something worth while to complain about. I support ALL who can breastfeed!!! They are full of milk for a reason!!! also, I’m not walking around with rock hard milk jugs just to make someone else happy…it is quite painful!!!
Please ladies: There is never a time when you can’t find a private place, such as a public restroom or your car. A bottle of formula for the road won’t kill you or your kid. (If you are doing it for health reasons.)
Asking BF-ing mothers to consider the morals and comfort of others is certainly not asking too much. Insisting on performing the act in a public place is selfishness. People who object are not opposed to your parenting methods, however they are opposed to your act of immodesty. Please consider that.
There is nothing that infuriates me so instantly as when I am out with a group of my male and female teenage friends and we are faced with the incredibly awkward presence of a feeding mother who, for no reason, makes no attempt to find a better location for her and her child at meal time. Your baggy T-shirts and baby blankets are insufficient coverage.
Please, consider others and remove yourself to a private place.
Yeah,
I’m sure this was written by a teenager. Sorry Pat – not buying it.
Pat, if you are so offended, then why don’t you put a blanket over your head or eat your lunch in a public restroom? Restrooms are filthy and discusting. I have nursed in public and never once had as much as a snug look. Nursing is the way God intended a baby to be fed. It was the only way to feed a baby since the first baby was born. Do you think they have covered up since then? NO!
Only since the introduction of artificial feeding (aka formula) and Hollywood turning the female body into a sex object, has breastfeeding become an “issue.” There is also nothing “immoral” about nursing, no matter where the location. There are plenty of ways to do it discretely and in my experience, you have to really stare to actually see anything. So my advice is if you are offended, simply walk away. You are not being forced to watch. Same thing if I am watching a TV show, if I don’t like what I am watching, I change the channel, I don’t throw the network under the bus.
And yes formula can hurt a baby. My daughter had 2 formula bottles in her day and it simply did not agree with her and she cried until that crap was out of her system. Some babies just cannot handle it, while others appear fine. WHO and UNICEF recommend breastfeeding a minumum of 2 years and say a million lives could be saved every year if infants were breastfed instead of artificially fed. 9,000 of those lives are US-born babies.
The general public is not educated on the benefits of breastfeeding. Formula companies have brainwashed a lot of people into thinking “formula” is better and that is simply false. In fact, WHO lists formula as the 4th and last way to feed an infant, only to be used as a last resort.
Additionally, new research shows that breastmilk contains stem cells and another study showed breastmilk can kill cancer cells. Breastfeeing listed as 1 of the top 10 wasys to prevent cancer, it prevents diabetes, reduces the risk for obesity, heart disease, eczema, ear infections and it treats so many common ailments.
These are simply facts — not my opinion. I have many articles and links to studies and other websites on my blog that support this information http://www.amomsblog.wordpress.com . Breastmilk is amazing and powerful stuff and I only came to respect and realize this when I started breastfeeding and reading more about it. I sure hope one day the general public will come to at least respect breastfeeding for it’s abilities and it being the only natural way to feed a baby.
By the way, I am 5 1/2 weeks pregant and nursing my 2 year old. My pediatrician commented on how healthy she has been since birth and he believes it’s in a large part due to all the antibodies she gets from nursing. Also, my husband was not a big fan of nursing past 1 until he read the same research on my blog, now he is a huge fan of breastfeeding and wants our daughter to nurse until she weans herself. Now that he is educated on the power of breastmilk, he’s a lactivist!
Trisha
http://www.amomsblog.wordpress.com
Also, I guess the same people who are offended also do not ever go to the beach. I have seen more breasts exposed there than I ever have seeing a mom nurse in public.
I also never had a problem on a airplan, in fact, seeing me nurse encouraged the couple across the isle to ditch the bottle their baby was refusing and just nursed her. We both had quiet, happy babies for the rest of the trip. The flight attendant never said 1 word to either of us. She even came and talked to us about how to hold the baby during landing/take off. I honestly was not sure if she knew we were nursing or not. No one else had a clue that we were nursing our babies, and as long as they were not screaming on the plane, I do not think anyone would have cared.
Pat: If seeing a little bit a mom’s breast when she’s attempting to get her baby on to eat offends you I suggest you
get rid of your TV and never enter a store with a magazine rack!! Until you’ve had a baby that your nursing and been in public when its feeding time you will never understand exactly what is involved in it. I repeat–I do think you should have a thin blanket with you to toss over your shoulder but first you have to get the baby latched on and by the time their about 6 months old most aren’t going to leave it alone anyway and buying new “nursing” clothes isn’t always a option for some of us; they can be expensive. If you think we should go to a public restroom and sit with our baby the next time your out eating pick up your plate go to the bathroom and enjoy!! Let me know how your meal tasted while listening to bodily sounds and smelling the odors!! If you’ve never breastfed a baby you don’t know what your talking about so don’t hand out advice on how we should do it. Get out of your cave and find something “real” to worry about.
I am concerned about the puritanical demand for discreetness. As a first-time expecting mom, I worry about all these things. I am plus-sized and large-breasted and I have received enough ugly comments from maternity store personnel who seem to believe fat people should not breed (no matter what our level of education or respect in our professions). Most nursing clothes are not cut for plus-sized women. Pulling up my shirt will only draw attention to the flab on my belly and will still expose my breast. I can only hope my baby will tolerate being covered with a blanket, although psychologists have argued that it detracts from the mother-baby bonding when the baby cannot see the mother’s face while it feeds. Breast pumps may not be an option for me, as I have learned from other large-breasted friends who have had babies and found pumping to be painfully impossible.
I have known women in my physical situation who received the same negative treatment–for being a plus-sized mom who breastfed in public.
I think the problem is that people have their own personal opinions of how “Mother” should behave–or even look–and anyone who detracts from that ideal is somehow “other.” I think this is predominantly a Western problem where we are so obsessed with looks and the innovations of technology that we have drawn away from what is natural and from the needs of the individual in some blind quest for conformity.
My husband is from Kenya, like Rose, and he doesn’t understand why people are appalled by seeing a woman breastfeed in public. And that’s not to say that Kenyans don’t sexualize breasts, because they do. They just seem to have transcended the obsession that Western societies are still grappling with.
Eva: Please don’t let this discussion on nursing in public discourage you from nursing. I too am large-breasted and was always nervous about nursing in public but after a couple of outings you learn the little tricks. If your top is loose enough you can usually slip your hand under it without exposing any skin to unhook the bra and pull the flap down then pull the baby in close before lifting your top and you don’t have to lift it up all the way. If you still have questions I encourage you to call your local La Leche League or your local WIC office. Both other classes and support groups. When the babies born don’t be afraid to ask the nurses for help. Most hospitals also have lactation consultants on staff too. If this is your first baby please ask for help; this is a skill that you have to learn just like anything else and you are so tired those first weeks that its easy to let people who don’t see the importance get you discouraged with your efforts. I’ve nursed 4 children and wouldn’t change a thing. Mary
Hello again Ladies;
It’s me Pat again. I had no intention of causing such a stir among you. For those of you who lashed out at what I said above, comment #46, please re-examine this;
1. If it was a choice between eating under a blanket/in a restroom and eating while I or someone else had to expose themself, I would gladly take the blanket or restroom.
2. I am supportive of BF-ing mothers, there is nothing immoral about it
3. I am not supportive of immodesty in the form public nudity. Even with the best efforts for coverage, there is still discomfort and knowledge, sometimes sounds of the mother and baby. It’s like seeing some one pick a wedgie; you didn’t mean to see it, you didn’t want to see it and you are wondering why the heck they had to do that just now in the presence of the public.
4. People object to feeding in public because they don’t want to see or worry about what may or may not be expose to them or their children. They don’t stare out of interest, but perhaps out of dismay at what their child or husband is seeing, unless of course they are a sicko. You can avoid either circumstance by removing to a private location. (no one says it must be the restroom) I don’t see it as comparable to “changing the channel” when infact the person is right beside you (Trisha)
5. Formula isn’t for everyone, understandibly. There are cercumstances where it is helpful to those who have a need for it.
6. When faced with beach nudity, I politely ask people to cover up to the minimum. They have always been understanding and compliant.
7. I have gotten rid of my TV, I don’t read filthy magazines, I don’t want to see your breast in public. True story.
8. I don’t have any of my own children quite yet, buy my sister is a new mother. She agrees that it takes little effort to find a private place for her and her son. She kindly respects the comfort of the men, women and children who do not want see or hear what she is doing, under the blanket or not.
9. Yes, I still think it is selfish and lazy to require people around you to be made uncomfortable (especially young and teenage kids!) Rather than take five minutes to go to the car.
10. I am nineteen, born in ‘89. My boyfriend, born in ‘89, doesn’t want to see it either. Consider this as well; You have the nerve to reprimand us for even an accidental glance while you are the one lifting your top across the room. If you are going to put people in that sort of uncomforable position, then yes, I will stare like a sicko until you are feeling equally uncomfortable.
11. No, my name isn’t really Pat, but that is of no real consequence.
I ,as my name suggests, am a man. My wife and I decided that breastfeeding is the way to go with both of our kids. However, she like many women is self concious about her body. She would never breatsfeed in public. I don’t blame her. Even covering up was not an option. What if the cover fell and the baby moved off. The world would see breast. And to those women who say “Grow up. A breast is not a sexual organ. It is to feed a baby.” Tell that to a man of any age passing by when you get exposed. Most men will try not to stare. But get serious. Now I have another solution to this delema. Women who breastfeed are a credit to moms. I have nothing against moms who formula feed but breastfeeding has so many advantages. What my wife and I did was store breast milk in bottles and when we were out in public we’d feed the babies with that. No one ever looked down on us or asked us to leave or stared. In fact, at resteraunts the waitress would bring a cup of hot water for us to warm the milk with. And bonding? Both of my sons are well adjusted and well bonded with both of us. So, I don’t know many of you who read this will think I’m just a man. I’m clueless to this issue. But maybe you are clueless to the male side of this issue. I say cover up or expect all kinds of rude behavior in reaction.
I personally rarely nursed in public, but the times I did, I never had any problems. No I didn’t want to have someone look or watch, but honestly, when it came down to it, as a mom, I just wanted to feed my baby period, now before about 5 months I used a great nursing cover by Bebe Au lait http://www.bebeaulait.com/ They are great because it has a rigid neckline allowing you to see the baby and baby to see you. After 5 months, my daughter would not allow it. Also, it can draw more attention than just discreetly nursing (most of the time you can cover with your shirt and no one ever know you were nursing).
And Pat, to me, it really it like channel surfing. If I am sitting beside someone I don’t want to look at I can easily turn so I don’t have to look at them. I also don’t watch the filth on TV nor do I read any magazines (except a few parenting ones here and there). So I totally relate to you in that manner. However, nursing is the only natural way to feed a baby and a mother will do whatever they need to do to feed their baby.
So, while I personally didn’t do much nursing in public, I definitely support a mother’s right to feed her baby how she chooses and when. But of course I do not appreciate those who would make a big deal of doing so just to prove a point. I think that makes the situation worse.
I am also glad that Greg’s kids accepted a bottle. Many breastfed babies will not or like mine, will not accept one if mama is there.
And Eva, people are just rude. Don’t let other’s rudeness affect your decision on how to feed your baby. I have worn a tank top under a bigger shirt. That way the tank stayed put and hid the baby fat and the top shirt hid the breast. I did this a lot when family or friends were around if the nursing cover wouldn’t work. But it was also great for the rare moments i nursed in public. It’s discreet!
Nursing in public is not going away. Hopefully one day, it will once again just be part of our culture.
trisha
I am a recent breastfeeder myself. I actually feel that the act of breastfeeding is a very personal and private act. I cover myself up for MINE and MY BABY’s privacy, not for anyone else’s sake! As a woman, I can see people being a little shocked by seeing a naked breast in public. What I most worry about are the PERVERTS who WOULD stare at me if I wasn’t covered up. (Let’s face it, they are everywhere!) Isn’t it in the best interest of the MOM and BABY to cover up??? Why is it so difficult?
Let’s face it you HAVE to feed your baby when he’s hungry, right? Who has the right to tell you you can’t? BUT I do believe it should be PRIVATE!
We can debate about this for 1000 posts. It doesn’t matter. Breastfeeding is legal. You can’t stop a mom from doing it.
As a large breasted woman it IS hard to stay covered up with a squirmy baby. When out in public you might see the top of my breast. When out in public chances are you ARE going to see the top of a breast on more than one woman, because of all the low cut shirts out there.
I do not think we should ever ask a mom to remove herself from a situation because she is trying to feed her baby in the best way possible. It is not fair to ask a mother to stay home and NEVER go into public with her baby for as long as she decides to breast feed.
Bottom line is, we can do it, you can’t stop us, so deal.
Whatever happen to compromise? Some of you are acting like ppl are running you out of town for breastfeeding. That’s not the case, all we’re asking is that you do it in a private setting. That way your baby gets fed and you’re comfortable and everybody else is comfortable. As a man, there are times that we have to adjust ourselves, but SOME of us don’t do it in the eyes of others. We turn away or we excuse ourselves. That’s having respect for ourselves and for others. I have children and I don’t do it in front of them and I wouldnt do it in front of anyone else. I know someone might say that it doesnt have anything to do with the topic at hand, but in my opinion it does. It shows that we all may have a moment that we need or have to do certain things that concern our bodies. I understand babies have to be fed, but like one commentor said, do it privately. If not for us, do it for yourself and your child. Please dont feel like anybody’s attacking you because we’re not. Just simply asking for a compromise.
I dont think I can ever breastfeed in public as I’d hate for strangers to see my breast accidentally… so when Im home and I have visitors… I use a blanket to cover the top part of the breast… and not the baby’s face… I dont understand why people here assume that using a blanket to cover the breast would mean covering the baby’s face….
Breastfeeding in public is harder … so just make sure you are equipped to atleast hide most of your breast… its an act of courtesy to others… coz lets not be hypocrites… breasts are sex objects too aside from feeding objects…