Toddler Discipline

Redirection

Redirection is a bit like using martial arts. You want to use the strength of your opponent or refocus your toddler's energy into something positive.

So, if your toddler is yelling and screaming, you can say, "Yelling isn't allowed inside, but we can go outside and yell." Or you could offer to let your child go in their room with some music and encourage loud singing.

If your toddler is throwing sand at a playmate, remove him from the sandbox and offer a ball instead.

You can temporarily disarm your child's desire to tell you, "NO!" by turning it around and allowing it. If you get a defiant "NO" in response to a request, ask a silly question like, "Do you want to eat giant slimy worms for breakfast instead of cheese toast?"

Distraction

Distraction is similar to redirection but instead of focusing on similar activities, choose activities that are unrelated or opposite of the behavior your child is exhibiting.

For example, if your child repeatedly tries to get under the sink at a friend's not-so-child proofed home, you should stop whatever you're doing and find a safe activity like a new book or some play dough in a high chair while you get the kitchen gated off or figure out how to keep the cabinet locked.

You just got the living room cleaned and you're about to have company. Your child comes in and starts dumping buckets of toys. You can quickly give your child a task ("Will you go get your hairbrush so I can fix your pony tails?") that requires her to leave the room.

Ignoring

Ignoring can be hard to pull off, but it can be extremely effective. There are times when drawing attention to the unwanted behavior has the effect of making it worse.

For example, you stub your toe and say, "Damn it." Your toddler immediately repeats you. If this is a first or second time occurrence, let it go. It probably won't happen again unless you make a big deal about it.

Or if siblings are arguing but no one is getting hurt and it's over something small resist the urge to get involved as long as they aren't coming to blows. Let them work it out and practice social and problem solving skills.

Many temper tantrums will quickly end when your toddler finds you are no longer paying attention to it. Make sure she's safe and then ignore.

Natural Consequences

I'm not sure where parents these days got the idea that childhood should be as cooshy and comfortable as possible. I think sometimes it's an overcorrection in reaction to so many terrible cases of child abuse coming to light. A bit of inconvenience and discomfort can be a very effective teacher, however, and is in no way abusive if you use common sense. Let your child experience the consequences of his actions whenever you can. Do not spare your child every sadness or try to make things too easy. Watch carefully for these teachable moments -- most of the time you won't even have to lift a finger for it to work. Just reinforce verbally: "I asked you to get your toy several times and you didn't, so now it's at Grandma's until next time."

Not-So-Natural Consequences

It doesn't have to be natural to be effective, but be careful. Make sure your toddler is starting to put together cause and effect on his own first. Some parents don't like this method because it feels like punishment. I look at it more like getting a speeding ticket. There's a rule there and if I don't follow it, I have to pay a fine and may even lose my privilege to drive. It doesn't take long for kids to learn this. Just be fair and consistent.

Use "If-Then" statements. "If you take your brother's toy away from him then you will have to leave the playground," or "If you keep throwing rocks at the window then we're going inside."

Remove privileges or toys if this motivates your child. "You cannot watch Dora today until you get dressed."

Time Out

Time out is often used as a punishment. I prefer to use this method as a way of helping a toddler regroup instead. You don't want to instill a sense of shame, but rather set up a way for your child to learn self-control. Time out provides the much needed practice involved in learning this skill.

Use when your child is outwardly exhibiting anger or is out of control. Say, "I can't understand you when you are yelling," or "I understand you are angry, but you need to calm down." Then physically lead your child to a time-out area. Do not impose a time limit, but let him rejoin you when he's regained control.

If your child is doing damage to property, people, pets or self, quickly remove your child from the situation into a time out.