It’s so simpleminded but accurate - the quirky things that initially attract you to someone end up driving you insane in the long haul. I had always loved doting on my sometimes helpless husband in the past, why did anything I did for him now seem like such a hassle? Was I not cut out to be a stay-at-home-mom, or even a mom or wife, for that matter? Always confident in my abilities before a baby turned them upside down and changed the rules forever, I wondered if my life would ever be easy again. On top of all of this, I felt incredibly guilty and incompetent for having all these complaints and doubts when so many other women somehow managed to work full-time, raise multiple children, and run a household, with or without the help of a spouse.
Growing up in the post-feminist 80s, on shows like "Cagney and Lacey" or even movies like Working Girl, I was sure I would have it all. Instead I was approaching my thirties without much in the way of career fulfillment and now at home with a new baby, obsessing over whether or not my husband did his fair share around the house. A career aside, I was adamant that I would not over-compensate in the domestic sense despite my lack of financial independence. I thought of other ways to make a little money on the side, including some daytime babysitting for other moms, selling my daughter’s clothes and gear that she outgrew, plus rare to occasional freelance writing. The financial rewards have been tiny, but it’s nice to know that $50 bucks in my purse is mine to blow at Target, free and clear.
My daughter is over a year now, and I’m still at home with her. I feel incredibly lucky to have the opportunity to be with her every day and every night, if I choose. I think even despite the bickering and the financial sacrifices we make because we only have one income, my husband is thrilled to have me home, too. We’ve learned that the division of household chores will never be equal, but it always evens out.
Megan Kerns is the stay at home mother of 1-year-old Penelope Mae. She is originally from Kansas City, Mo., but currently lives in Dayton, Ohio, with her husband and their two cats.
